1 00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:15,475 Get up! 2 00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:18,445 Get up. 3 00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:22,883 Come on. 4 00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:24,351 Get in there. 5 00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:27,321 Move! 6 00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:29,289 Get up. 7 00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:35,696 Don't! 8 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:43,804 It has been the burden of my people 9 00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:47,641 to struggle under the iron fist of the ruthless leaders 10 00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:52,579 since Nebuchadnezzar created the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. 11 00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:55,315 There all those of us who, though our efforts 12 00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:58,285 may be futile, have tried to bring 13 00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:03,023 peace to our war-torn land. 14 00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:04,791 But we tremble. 15 00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:08,595 For it is written that this evil wind will lure the great eagle 16 00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:11,565 into the clutches of its ambition, 17 00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:14,868 and the whole world will come to the edge 18 00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:22,242 of being nothing but a whisper's vapor in the universe. 19 00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:28,548 The secret, gentlemen, is in your reach and accuracy. 20 00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:34,621 You must have the right balance and the right power. 21 00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:38,025 Soon, we will invade Karifistan. 22 00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:46,166 And the American infidels will foolishly rush to their aid. 23 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,401 That's right, Kibee. 24 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:51,338 And then I, Almar Habib Tufuti, President for Life, 25 00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,173 will be the leader of all true believers 26 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,609 when the American eagle falls from its perch. 27 00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:00,614 There will be one man who 28 00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:03,884 will ride the storm from the West to humble 29 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:06,486 the tyrants of the Earth. 30 00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:12,125 I tell you now the prophecy of a great American warrior. 31 00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,660 Good morning, Mr. Worrell. 32 00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:16,596 You're looking at a trap cleverly devised 33 00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:20,434 by the evil genius Baron von Titleist. 34 00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:21,635 A mine field. 35 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:25,105 Mines diabolically disguised as your average garden 36 00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:29,109 variety golf ball, or golf astemplis spheracoli. 37 00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:31,745 Your mission, should you choose to accept it, 38 00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,647 will be to rid the world of this menace 39 00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:38,418 and make this geriatric pastime safe again for all of humanity. 40 00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:41,655 My voice will self-destruct in five seconds. 41 00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:44,157 Four, three, two, one. 42 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:53,533 Let the games begin. 43 00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:56,470 Yeah, another day on this course. 44 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:57,437 There's one. 45 00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:58,738 Oh-oh. 46 00:03:58,738 --> 00:03:59,906 Got another one. Uh-oh. 47 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:00,807 Steer right. 48 00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,509 There's one. 49 00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,077 OK, got another one. 50 00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:08,215 Yeah, can't hit me. 51 00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:10,417 You couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle. 52 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,586 Nice try, lady. 53 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,020 Oh, yeah. 54 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,793 Yeah, you knock them, I rock them. 55 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:20,660 Uh-oh. 56 00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:25,132 Do your worst, Baron Titleist. 57 00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:29,369 Your pock-marked angels of death frighten me not. 58 00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:31,805 Uh-oh, reinforcements. 59 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:32,706 We're dumb. 60 00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:35,942 When you're dumb, you're dumb. 61 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:36,843 Get him, Bill. 62 00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:48,054 Don't tempt these guys, Ernest. 63 00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:51,424 You know what happens. 64 00:04:51,424 --> 00:04:54,194 Special Forces Commander Ernest P. Worrell 65 00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:58,331 receives his much deserved hero's welcome. 66 00:05:07,274 --> 00:05:08,742 I think I got him in the pancreas with that one. 67 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:09,643 Yeah, good shot. 68 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,745 Good shot. 69 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:12,712 All right. 70 00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:22,155 Whoo, boy. 71 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,591 Hey, great American hero. 72 00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:25,492 Are you gonna make it? 73 00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:30,397 Merely a flesh wound, Ben. 74 00:05:30,397 --> 00:05:33,300 Merely a wound upon my flesh. 75 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,201 Yeah. 76 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:42,676 Gosh Ben, thanks for saving me under-fire today. 77 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,312 Baron Titleist nearly got the best of me. 78 00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:48,148 A soldier never leaves his buddy in the heat of battle. 79 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,482 How's that bean head of yours? 80 00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:51,318 It'd be a whole lot better if you'd let me drive. 81 00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:52,686 Now, we've been through that before. 82 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,421 Oh, please, Ben, with sugar on top? 83 00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:55,322 No, no, no! 84 00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:56,223 Gosh! 85 00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:58,158 You never let me do anything, ever since we were kids. 86 00:05:58,158 --> 00:05:59,426 I let you do stuff. 87 00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:01,962 - What stuff? - Stuff. 88 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:04,197 Well, OK, stuff, but you never left me drive. 89 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,966 Ernest, I can't let you drive. 90 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,667 This is an Army vehicle, and it is to be 91 00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:09,336 only driven by Army people. 92 00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:12,939 I am an Army people, whilst you are not Army people. 93 00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:15,075 Gosh, I'll never get to drive those big camo mammoths 94 00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,910 and jeeps and and tanks 95 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,411 and armored personnel carriers. 96 00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:20,347 Never, ever, ever in the whole history of the universe 97 00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:21,514 will I ever get to drive. 98 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,051 You could enlist. 99 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,152 Enlist? 100 00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:27,721 Join the army? 101 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:28,622 Army people drive. 102 00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,192 Army people. 103 00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:33,093 Army people. 104 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,361 Army, Army, Army people. 105 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:40,467 Huh. 106 00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:41,468 I'm telling you, Ernest. 107 00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:43,403 There's nothing like life in the defense of your country. 108 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,105 Know what I mean? 109 00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:47,440 Ben, do they let you keep your own underwear, 110 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,976 'cause I hate to break in new underwear? 111 00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:51,278 I think something can be arranged. 112 00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:52,178 I don't know. 113 00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:53,913 I'm too old to enlist. 114 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,215 Not for the Reserves, your not. 115 00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:57,684 Why, we got guys your age signing up all the time. 116 00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:58,585 The Reserves? 117 00:06:58,585 --> 00:06:59,486 Yeah, boy. 118 00:06:59,486 --> 00:07:01,588 You'd love it, Earnest, driving them big rigs on the weekend. 119 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,790 It's like summer camp for real men. 120 00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:06,459 Well, I was a summer camp counselor once. 121 00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,662 The way you drive that golf cart, why you'd be a natural 122 00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:10,830 in Mechanized Infantry. 123 00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:11,898 I don't know. 124 00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:15,235 Look, it's not like you'd ever be in combat or anything. 125 00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:16,970 I mean, you'd be stationed right here at the base. 126 00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,972 I'm not gonna let anything happen you. 127 00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:21,408 Never have, now have I? 128 00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:22,409 No. 129 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:23,677 Are you gonna eat those pork rinds? 130 00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:25,312 No, no. You take them. 131 00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:28,315 Sarge, are you ready to go? 132 00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:30,150 I was born ready, Bambi. 133 00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,084 Bambi, Ernest. 134 00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,386 Ernest, Bambi. 135 00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:34,321 Hi. 136 00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:35,889 It's nice to very meet you. 137 00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:36,790 Hi. 138 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:37,691 Hi. 139 00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,759 Let's go, Ben. 140 00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:41,294 Women love Army people. 141 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:44,564 Know what I mean? 142 00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:47,967 Our town. 143 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:48,935 Let's see-- 144 00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:51,571 Gosh, I wish I had a girlfriend. 145 00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:53,173 Hi, this is Cindy Swanson 146 00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:54,107 reporting for Channel 3-- 147 00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:56,376 Cindy Swanson? 148 00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:58,445 who's just 149 00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,880 won the Hoffer Award for the most unusual locust collection. 150 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,782 You must be very excited. - Oh, yes. 151 00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:03,783 This means I get to speak-- 152 00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,319 --convention in Michigan. 153 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,687 What an awesome responsibility. 154 00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:08,755 Oh, yeah, it is. 155 00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:09,656 All the elite-- 156 00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,491 Oh, excuse me, Mr. Beetleman. 157 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,828 We're cutting away to INNI for a special report. 158 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,629 This is Cindy Swanson report-- 159 00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:18,064 It was mummified by a pharaoh. 160 00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:19,699 And now, for a special report 161 00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:23,937 from Frank Williams at the INNI foreign desk in London. 162 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:27,040 It seems that Almar Habib Tufuti, President for Life 163 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,610 of Arisia, is saber rattling again as these satellite photos 164 00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,846 reveal a large intercontinental missile 165 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,814 being moved across a southern province of Arisia 166 00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:36,116 toward Karifistan. 167 00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:48,128 You see how far you can reach when 168 00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:50,163 you use the right club, Kibee? 169 00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,198 Yes, I see, Excellency. 170 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,668 The eagle will shudder when it sees how far you can reach. 171 00:08:55,668 --> 00:08:58,805 You know, I've never shot an eagle. 172 00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:02,675 A few birdies, many pars, but never an eagle. 173 00:09:02,675 --> 00:09:03,810 Perhaps, if you were to keep you 174 00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,980 head more still, Excellency? 175 00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:10,583 But who am I to say? 176 00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:12,719 This little beauty is from Pakistan. 177 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:15,155 It spits when it's in flight. 178 00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:17,791 Oh, that's very interesting, Mr. Beetleman, but I'm 179 00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:20,260 afraid we're gonna have to cover this story at another time. 180 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:21,161 I'm sorry. 181 00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:32,405 I'm sorry you didn't get to finish, Cin. 182 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,306 Oh, that's OK. 183 00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:35,542 That story was finished before it got started. 184 00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:36,443 Thanks. 185 00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,745 You know, I have worked like a dog for this station 186 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:39,979 for over a year. 187 00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:41,915 I've done everything they've asked me to do, 188 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,084 but I'm never gonna get to INNI reporting 189 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,785 dorky stories like this one. 190 00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:47,954 I need a really big story to put me over the top. 191 00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:49,389 Well, you hang in there, Cin. 192 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,724 You'll get your chance. 193 00:09:51,724 --> 00:09:52,625 Maybe. 194 00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:57,263 Yeah, right. 195 00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:12,145 The Army. 196 00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,981 Yeah, maybe that's it. 197 00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:18,785 I'd be an expert on driving those big rigs. 198 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:23,289 Gentlemen, this is your GNC Napa Sonoma Mendocino 3000. 199 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,558 It is the ultimate urban assault vehicle. 200 00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:28,761 It has 67 cylinders, 3000 horsepower, 201 00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:30,330 seating capacity-- one. 202 00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:38,271 It has endoroflex suspension, monoflatulating corroboration, 203 00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:43,409 and all models made after 1997 has the extra large cup holder. 204 00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:45,578 The body is solid unibody and is made by the US 205 00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,013 Army Corps of Engineers. 206 00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,519 Doors are optional. 207 00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:55,188 This vehicle is your friend, it is your companion, 208 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,589 it is your long lost love. 209 00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,258 You will treat this vehicle with respect, 210 00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,960 or I will cut your guts out with a rock. 211 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,363 Do you understand? 212 00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:06,599 Now, gentlemen, are there any questions? 213 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,302 I didn't think so. 214 00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:16,776 Joining the Army is the best decision you'll 215 00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:18,144 ever make in your entire life. 216 00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:19,746 Just change this cap for a GI cap. 217 00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:20,947 Get rid of these blues and greys-- 218 00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:22,615 For browns and greens. And as they say-- 219 00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:23,816 You're in the Army now. 220 00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:26,452 But what about boot camp? 221 00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:30,089 What about tough GIs, grueling work, the breaking down 222 00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:32,792 of one's self-esteem with strong language, insults, 223 00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:34,394 and the clever use of profanity? 224 00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:35,562 What about that? 225 00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:36,563 You're not in the real Army. 226 00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:37,497 You're in the Reserves. 227 00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:38,598 We drive trucks on the weekend. 228 00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:39,666 And talk on the radio. 229 00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:40,733 And party all the time. 230 00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:43,269 So it's time to rock and roll. 231 00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:45,004 A-R-M-- 232 00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:45,905 Why? 233 00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:46,806 Why? 234 00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:48,641 Because we're Army people. 235 00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:53,146 P-O-P-L-E. 236 00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:55,949 - Poople? - What's wrong with poople? 237 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,195 Comrade Blatz report for midi-sector. 238 00:12:09,195 --> 00:12:13,566 I want to know how a pipsqueak despot like Tufuti 239 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,401 get a pluton missile. 240 00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,770 No excuse, Boyard, but we have no information 241 00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:19,205 of missile origins. 242 00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:21,507 For that missile, Comrade Blatz, 243 00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:25,211 we could blackmail entire world. 244 00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:30,516 Every nation on Earth would have no choice but to bend 245 00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:33,786 to my personal demands. 246 00:12:33,786 --> 00:12:36,889 I must have that missile! 247 00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:42,295 So the wondrous hands that mold the events of men 248 00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:45,365 will set the great American warrior on course 249 00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:46,399 to his destiny. 250 00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:54,207 While in other parts of the world, the weak and oppressed 251 00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,975 struggle to survive. 252 00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:58,378 Knowing when to buy and when to sell. 253 00:12:58,378 --> 00:12:59,278 It's perfect. 254 00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:02,148 I am Ben-Ali and I know of strange and dangerous 255 00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:03,650 cults that own this city. 256 00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:06,019 You can charm them off with the charm of the Geshua. 257 00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:07,320 Get away from me, parasite. 258 00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,956 Get away, and don't come back! 259 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,525 The charm of the Geshua is only one dollar. 260 00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,560 I need to feed my sister. 261 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:15,461 We sick. 262 00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,397 Feed at the baker's kitchen. 263 00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:20,166 Now, leave us alone before I have you jailed! 264 00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:21,034 No! 265 00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:27,006 What I was saying is that-- 266 00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:33,146 Hey! 267 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,280 Hey, come back here! 268 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,381 Come back you thief! 269 00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,485 Take it easy, man. 270 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,654 Sorry. Wow! 271 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:42,555 This is great. 272 00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:44,957 Jock them, chock them, lock them, and cruise 273 00:13:44,957 --> 00:13:46,225 them on down the highway. 274 00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:47,560 What did I tell you? 275 00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,962 There ain't nothing like being Army people. 276 00:13:49,962 --> 00:13:52,165 Gosh, Ben, you really mean it when 277 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:55,134 you were talking about taking care of your buddies. 278 00:13:55,134 --> 00:13:57,103 You're about the best friend I've ever had. 279 00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:58,271 Every time, bud. 280 00:13:58,271 --> 00:13:59,172 Every time. 281 00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:06,512 Hey! 282 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:07,480 Hey, watch it. 283 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,381 Watch it. 284 00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,416 Watch what? 285 00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:12,552 What kind of idiot was driving that truck? 286 00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:16,289 Want me to drive? 287 00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:17,223 No, no, I'm fine. 288 00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:18,124 I'm OK. 289 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,228 Look out. Hey, watch that car. 290 00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:23,663 - Watch out. - Ooh, wow. 291 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:30,670 Ambassador, this mission is not going to be easy. 292 00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:33,740 Not only that, Colonel Gullet, the Americans 293 00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:36,476 aren't overjoyed at being under UN command. 294 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:40,279 You will have to win this American general over, maybe 295 00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:42,415 find out what motivates him. 296 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,117 What motivates him is what motivates 297 00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:45,485 every American general. 298 00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:46,385 Publicity. 299 00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:48,988 Barnes! 300 00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:49,889 Sir? 301 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,824 Shouldn't we be doing this out in the field someplace? 302 00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:53,326 What's with all this stupid blue paper? 303 00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,995 We use it to strip in backgrounds like Omaha 304 00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:58,331 Beach, Saigon, Baghdad. 305 00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,500 Through the magic of computer composing, 306 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,435 we can put you right in the action. 307 00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:03,703 The devil, you say. 308 00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:05,872 Mm-hm. 309 00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:06,773 That's enough for now. 310 00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:08,040 Get me the proofs tomorrow. - Yes, sir. 311 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:09,108 We have a deadline on the press kits. 312 00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:10,009 Right away, sir. 313 00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:13,446 General, Ambassador Kitchen and a Colonel Gullet 314 00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:16,616 from the UN Peacekeeping Forces will be here any minute now 315 00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:17,683 for a 10 o'clock appointment. 316 00:15:17,683 --> 00:15:19,752 Barnes, I don't want to talk to some pompous, 317 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,155 stuffy, egomaniacal ambassador. 318 00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:24,791 - The press loves him, sir. - They do? 319 00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:25,825 Well, show him in! 320 00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:26,726 Yes, sir. 321 00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,866 Howdy, Ambassador. 322 00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,067 Your Excellency. 323 00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:37,003 They're here, sir. 324 00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:38,938 Act noncommittal. 325 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,506 Good. 326 00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:41,774 I don't know, old bean. 327 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:42,675 Excellent. 328 00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:43,876 Very good. 329 00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:51,484 Good afternoon, General I am Ambassador Kitchen 330 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:53,352 and this is Colonel Gullet. 331 00:15:53,352 --> 00:15:54,253 Welcome, gentlemen. 332 00:15:54,253 --> 00:15:57,323 Please, have a seat. 333 00:15:57,323 --> 00:15:59,425 Now, what can I do for you? 334 00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:03,696 As you know, Tufuti has been kicking up his heels again. 335 00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:06,032 And this time, he plans to invade the sovereign state 336 00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:07,934 of Karifistan. 337 00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:09,735 And on top of that, there is evidence 338 00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,604 that he has a pluton missile. 339 00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,840 Ah, Washington doesn't want him messing up the oil prices, 340 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:14,740 huh? 341 00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:20,580 Rough room. 342 00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,216 The UN Security Council has chosen your Reserve Unit 343 00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,985 as a support team for the UN Peacekeeping Forces 344 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,287 under the command of Colonel Gullet, here. 345 00:16:28,287 --> 00:16:29,188 What? 346 00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:31,224 Support team? 347 00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,860 You wait a John Wayne minute, mister! 348 00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,962 My men are a fighting, killing machine! 349 00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:37,363 We don't take orders from anyone. 350 00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:39,799 Especially some guy wearing a beret. 351 00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:41,534 You're not French, are you? 352 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:42,869 Barnes, is this man French? 353 00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:44,103 You know I hate the French! 354 00:16:44,103 --> 00:16:45,371 Sir-- 355 00:16:45,371 --> 00:16:47,406 Please let me explain. 356 00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:50,476 Colonel Gullet will be handling the day-to-day duties, 357 00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:53,980 but in matters of importance, you will be consulted. 358 00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:56,949 Who will be making the press briefings? 359 00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:59,318 Why, the General, of course. 360 00:16:59,318 --> 00:17:01,754 Well, then, you can consider the 97th Reserve Unit 361 00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:04,924 at your disposal, Colonel Gullet. 362 00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,359 Go on. 363 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,760 Go on. 364 00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:12,398 All right, Pierre, our troops are your troops. 365 00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,300 I'll brief your men at 1600 hours. 366 00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,368 Yeah, it's a good thing. 367 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,069 The killing machine's only here on the weekend. 368 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,540 What? 369 00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:22,475 Did I say something wrong? 370 00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:23,442 No. 371 00:17:23,442 --> 00:17:24,810 No. 372 00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:27,079 Have a nice day. 373 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,949 Cindy Swanson, WZEB. 374 00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,784 Remember me, Cindy? 375 00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,085 Unfortunately. 376 00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:35,688 I've got something you want. 377 00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:38,691 Barnes, this is an actual news phone line, not a 900 number. 378 00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,793 The 97th is being sent in to support 379 00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:42,762 UN troops in Karifistan. 380 00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:43,663 No way. 381 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,565 The 97th Unit is a Reserve Unit. 382 00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:48,367 They're outta here in a week, and General 383 00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:49,735 Lincoln's leading the charge. 384 00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:52,772 Wait a minute, has Washington lost its mind? 385 00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:53,673 Don't answer that. 386 00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,241 Who else knows about this, Barnes? 387 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:59,045 Only you, for now, baby. 388 00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:02,081 Now, when can you and I, uh-- 389 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,683 Thanks for the tip. 390 00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:04,850 You're not gonna believe this. 391 00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:05,785 I gotta call the boss. 392 00:18:10,356 --> 00:18:11,257 Ow! 393 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,793 God! 394 00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:18,397 Some drive, huh, Ernest? 395 00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:19,298 Yeah. 396 00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:20,666 Army life is great. 397 00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:22,301 Hey, you want an Ooey Gooey Toad Gummy? 398 00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:23,202 Oh, no. 399 00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:24,403 They're too sticky for me. 400 00:18:24,403 --> 00:18:26,038 It takes me a week to get them out of my teeth. 401 00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:27,773 You just gotta know how to eat them. 402 00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:30,376 It's an art form few real men possess. 403 00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:31,944 We've gotta get to the parade ground like now. 404 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,513 Some big muckety-muck from the UN is here. 405 00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:37,149 We're on our way. 406 00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:44,991 Move it. Move it. 407 00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:45,992 Slow down. 408 00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:48,761 Come on, you guys. Step it up. 409 00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:49,729 Step it up. 410 00:18:57,503 --> 00:18:58,404 Oh. 411 00:18:58,404 --> 00:18:59,305 Ooh. 412 00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:00,773 Thanks, Ben. - Come on. 413 00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:01,874 Let's go, Ernest. 414 00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:07,413 Do it as rehearsed. 415 00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:08,647 Are you sure you don't want 416 00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,149 an Ooey Gooey Toad Gummy, Ben? 417 00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:13,586 At ease. 418 00:19:17,023 --> 00:19:17,923 Get me a close-up. 419 00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:26,899 Men, God has truly smiled down upon you this day. 420 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:29,635 Out of the entire United States Armed Forces, 421 00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:32,738 you and you alone have been chosen 422 00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:35,808 as an elite fighting unit. 423 00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:38,344 Never in the history of warfare has 424 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,646 such an awesome responsibility been 425 00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:44,984 placed on the shoulders of such brave and noble souls 426 00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:46,585 as yourselves. 427 00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:49,522 Colonel Gullet. 428 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,890 Make it snappy, Pierre. 429 00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:53,092 These guys go home at 5 o'clock. 430 00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:56,529 I am Colonel Gullet, UN Special Forces. 431 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:59,165 You will be under my direct command. 432 00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:01,267 This unit will be my support unit. 433 00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,736 You'll cook all the meals, clean the toilets, 434 00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:07,473 police the grounds, wash the equipment, unload the trucks. 435 00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:09,041 You'll perform each and every task 436 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,744 you are told, when you are told, while on this peacekeeping 437 00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,345 mission to Karifistan. 438 00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:14,980 Karifistan? 439 00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:16,949 I can't go to Karifistan. 440 00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,884 I don't know anybody in Karifistan. 441 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,152 I don't speak Karifistanese. 442 00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:21,854 And besides, my lips will peel. 443 00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:24,390 Soldier, do you have a problem here? 444 00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:27,259 Yeah, I've gotta pickup golf ball next week. 445 00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:29,729 What's that in your hand, private? 446 00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:30,730 Ooey Gooey Gummy Toads. 447 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:31,630 You want one? 448 00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:32,531 Get rid of them! 449 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:44,844 - Barnes. - Sir. 450 00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:45,778 Who is this man? 451 00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:48,114 He's a new recruit, sir. 452 00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:49,849 Have him flogged. 453 00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:52,084 We can only do that in Singapore, sir. 454 00:20:57,756 --> 00:20:58,724 And the box! 455 00:21:07,233 --> 00:21:08,167 Ohh. 456 00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:09,235 General, what kind of Army 457 00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:10,136 are you running here? 458 00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:11,904 You wouldn't find this bean head under my command! 459 00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:13,038 Who does he think he is? 460 00:21:13,038 --> 00:21:13,939 Easy, sir. 461 00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:14,840 Easy. 462 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,208 When they get back from Karifistan, 463 00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:18,811 you won't recognize this bunch of blockheads! 464 00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:23,349 Look at you! 465 00:21:23,349 --> 00:21:24,617 Shoulders back! 466 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:25,518 Stomach in! 467 00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:32,691 Ew, ew, ew, ew. 468 00:21:34,393 --> 00:21:35,528 Sir. 469 00:21:35,528 --> 00:21:36,595 Hang on, Colonel. 470 00:21:36,595 --> 00:21:38,964 I'll get it off. 471 00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,132 Stay calm, sir. 472 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,835 I'll have you out in nothing flat. 473 00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:44,937 Here, I'll need this for leverage. 474 00:21:46,338 --> 00:21:48,140 Here it goes. 475 00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:50,876 Sarge! 476 00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:51,977 Corporal Davis! 477 00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,213 Hey, guys, hold him down. 478 00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:58,083 Don't worry, Colonel. 479 00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:00,085 You'll be able to breathe in just a minute. 480 00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:04,557 Barnes, shouldn't we do something? 481 00:22:04,557 --> 00:22:07,226 I think we'd better stay out of this one, sir. 482 00:22:07,226 --> 00:22:08,327 That's it. 483 00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:09,228 Pull it. 484 00:22:09,228 --> 00:22:10,729 Come on! 485 00:22:10,729 --> 00:22:13,699 One, two. 486 00:22:13,699 --> 00:22:15,201 Gosh. 487 00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:19,138 Pull! 488 00:22:31,483 --> 00:22:32,484 What are you doing? 489 00:22:34,453 --> 00:22:37,423 Whoa! 490 00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:42,361 Ooh. 491 00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:46,432 How do you like that, Pierre? 492 00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:52,271 Eww. 493 00:22:57,209 --> 00:22:58,444 I told you I'd get it off. 494 00:23:01,013 --> 00:23:04,350 Know what I mean? - Oh, Ernest. 495 00:23:04,350 --> 00:23:06,685 Don't worry, Ben, I'll explain everything. 496 00:23:06,685 --> 00:23:08,354 The General seems like a swell guy. 497 00:23:08,354 --> 00:23:09,588 I'm sure he'll understand. 498 00:23:09,588 --> 00:23:12,491 And, besides, no one is impervious to the Worrell 499 00:23:12,491 --> 00:23:14,493 charm. - Please, Ernest. 500 00:23:14,493 --> 00:23:16,495 When we go in there, just shut up 501 00:23:16,495 --> 00:23:17,529 and let me do the talking, OK? 502 00:23:17,529 --> 00:23:18,430 But, Ben. 503 00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:19,331 Ben, nothing. 504 00:23:19,331 --> 00:23:20,499 I can handle the General. 505 00:23:20,499 --> 00:23:21,400 Just remember what I said. 506 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:25,571 In the Army, you always look out after your buddy. 507 00:23:25,571 --> 00:23:26,939 I'm gonna get you, Worrell. 508 00:23:26,939 --> 00:23:28,807 If it's the last thing I'd do, I'm gonna get you. 509 00:23:31,710 --> 00:23:33,946 You know, Ben, I don't think the Colonel is 510 00:23:33,946 --> 00:23:36,515 as familiar as we are with that "taking care of your buddy" 511 00:23:36,515 --> 00:23:37,416 stuff. 512 00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:40,119 Sergeant Ben Kovsky! 513 00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:41,920 How tough should I be? 514 00:23:44,790 --> 00:23:47,626 Like an iron fist, in a soft glove. 515 00:23:47,626 --> 00:23:48,527 Ah. 516 00:23:48,527 --> 00:23:49,962 Remember what happened to Patten. 517 00:23:49,962 --> 00:23:51,864 Oh, yeah. 518 00:23:51,864 --> 00:23:56,268 OK, let's go. 519 00:24:01,206 --> 00:24:03,008 Private Ernest P. Worrell and Sergeant Ben Kovsky 520 00:24:03,008 --> 00:24:04,677 reporting as ordered, sir. 521 00:24:04,677 --> 00:24:07,880 Well, Private Worrell, what do you have to say for yourself? 522 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:08,781 Well, sir. 523 00:24:08,781 --> 00:24:11,984 Worrell, you have one weekend of military service 524 00:24:11,984 --> 00:24:14,019 and you have nearly jeopardized the entire UN 525 00:24:14,019 --> 00:24:15,554 Security Council mission! 526 00:24:15,554 --> 00:24:16,555 If I could explain, sir. 527 00:24:16,555 --> 00:24:18,590 And you, Sergeant Ben Kovsky, you should know better. 528 00:24:19,491 --> 00:24:21,060 The image of the 97th is at stake here, 529 00:24:21,060 --> 00:24:24,596 and now the whole world will be focused on me-- us! 530 00:24:24,596 --> 00:24:26,799 I have no choice but to relieve you of your duties! 531 00:24:28,067 --> 00:24:29,468 Ben? What's wrong? 532 00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:30,402 I knew it. Too tough! 533 00:24:30,402 --> 00:24:32,271 Barnes, I was never here. It never happened. 534 00:24:32,271 --> 00:24:33,706 I was at the Officer's Club the whole time! 535 00:24:33,706 --> 00:24:34,640 But General, sir. 536 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:35,541 Call the medic! 537 00:24:35,541 --> 00:24:38,243 Call an ambulance! 538 00:24:38,243 --> 00:24:40,212 I learned CPR on Oprah. 539 00:24:56,095 --> 00:24:57,496 Hey, Ben. 540 00:24:57,496 --> 00:25:00,232 How's my favorite Army people? 541 00:25:00,232 --> 00:25:01,834 I brought you some stuff from the PX, 542 00:25:01,834 --> 00:25:04,603 but they're a little funny about what you could eat, 543 00:25:04,603 --> 00:25:10,075 so I brought you the pork rinds but without the hot sauce. 544 00:25:10,075 --> 00:25:14,580 This is all my fault. What was I thinking? 545 00:25:14,580 --> 00:25:19,418 All I wanted to do was drive the Army big rigs. 546 00:25:19,418 --> 00:25:24,556 Ben, you're the best fiend I've got in the whole world. 547 00:25:24,556 --> 00:25:26,992 Without you, I wouldn't have anybody. 548 00:25:26,992 --> 00:25:29,495 And if I ever lost you, I'd-- 549 00:25:30,396 --> 00:25:32,197 Visiting hours are over. 550 00:25:32,197 --> 00:25:36,502 All visitors, please leave the hospital. 551 00:25:36,502 --> 00:25:38,737 Well, I gotta go now, Ben, but I'll say 552 00:25:38,737 --> 00:25:40,739 a little prayer for you, OK? 553 00:25:40,739 --> 00:25:44,309 You-- you hang in there, buddy. 554 00:25:45,310 --> 00:25:46,278 No. 555 00:25:50,215 --> 00:25:51,717 This thing came out. 556 00:25:51,717 --> 00:25:54,219 I'll put it back in for you. 557 00:25:58,524 --> 00:26:00,025 It won't stay. 558 00:26:00,025 --> 00:26:02,494 OK. 559 00:26:04,496 --> 00:26:06,598 It's staying there now. 560 00:26:06,598 --> 00:26:08,400 I gotta get it going. 561 00:26:12,838 --> 00:26:17,276 OK, you get some rest. 562 00:26:23,182 --> 00:26:26,618 Allah, be praised. 563 00:26:26,618 --> 00:26:32,024 Gentlemen, behold my special club, the pluton missile. 564 00:26:32,024 --> 00:26:35,227 With it, I will bring the infidels to their knees 565 00:26:35,227 --> 00:26:38,363 and be leader in the Arab world. 566 00:26:38,363 --> 00:26:39,264 Kibee. 567 00:26:45,904 --> 00:26:50,342 Commander, I want you to personally have our tanks 568 00:26:50,342 --> 00:26:52,311 delivered this to King Chirac. 569 00:27:02,054 --> 00:27:04,756 Once again, history spewed forth 570 00:27:04,756 --> 00:27:08,393 a wave of aggression that swept the land, 571 00:27:08,393 --> 00:27:12,231 and everything in its path was crushed beneath the treads 572 00:27:12,231 --> 00:27:14,366 of its ambition. 573 00:27:14,366 --> 00:27:19,805 There was little to stop evil's triumphant march. 574 00:27:19,805 --> 00:27:21,306 Ben-Ali, you must come! 575 00:27:21,306 --> 00:27:22,774 The tanks are coming. 576 00:27:22,774 --> 00:27:23,909 Everyone in the village is leaving. 577 00:27:23,909 --> 00:27:24,810 Come. 578 00:27:24,810 --> 00:27:26,578 Come. 579 00:27:26,578 --> 00:27:29,982 Yes, I come. 580 00:27:33,919 --> 00:27:37,122 So the beast lured the eagle 581 00:27:37,122 --> 00:27:43,028 by devouring the defenseless, and an orphan child 582 00:27:43,028 --> 00:27:51,503 wept, praying, hoping, looking for the liberator 583 00:27:51,503 --> 00:27:54,473 of his land and his future. 584 00:27:58,043 --> 00:28:00,145 Even I could have told you he wouldn't go for that one. 585 00:28:00,145 --> 00:28:01,613 It's the biggest story in the world. 586 00:28:01,613 --> 00:28:04,116 The Americans sent to Karifistan and our own 97th 587 00:28:04,116 --> 00:28:05,784 Reserve Unit leading the way. 588 00:28:05,784 --> 00:28:07,819 This story could break me out of this dinky little station. 589 00:28:07,819 --> 00:28:09,421 Now, come on, Cindy. 590 00:28:09,421 --> 00:28:10,522 You knew the boss wouldn't spring 591 00:28:10,522 --> 00:28:14,393 for a ticket to the Middle East when the 97th ships out. 592 00:28:14,393 --> 00:28:15,294 Ships out. 593 00:28:15,294 --> 00:28:16,194 That's it. 594 00:28:16,194 --> 00:28:17,229 Don't. 595 00:28:17,229 --> 00:28:20,332 Thanks, Danny 596 00:28:23,235 --> 00:28:24,970 With INNI, you are 597 00:28:24,970 --> 00:28:27,439 there in Operation Sand Trap. 598 00:28:27,439 --> 00:28:30,442 President Tufuti of Arisia has invaded the neighboring country 599 00:28:30,442 --> 00:28:32,377 of Karifistan today. 600 00:28:32,377 --> 00:28:34,780 Our staunchest ally in the Middle East, King Chirac, 601 00:28:34,780 --> 00:28:37,416 has asked for intervention by UN Forces. 602 00:28:37,416 --> 00:28:40,152 President Powell has ordered immediate deployment of troops. 603 00:28:45,057 --> 00:28:46,925 Soldier, do up that lace. 604 00:28:46,925 --> 00:28:47,960 Try to look sharp. 605 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:48,860 Yes, sir. 606 00:28:53,031 --> 00:28:54,633 You know, Corporal, for your own safety, 607 00:28:54,633 --> 00:28:58,003 you should never let anyone else pack your chute. 608 00:28:58,003 --> 00:28:58,971 Welcome aboard, Worrell. 609 00:28:58,971 --> 00:29:01,306 Oh, thanks. 610 00:29:01,306 --> 00:29:03,141 What's the movie on this flight? 611 00:29:03,141 --> 00:29:06,445 I hope it's not another chick flick art film. 612 00:29:06,445 --> 00:29:08,347 They always look so brown to me. 613 00:29:08,347 --> 00:29:10,148 I've got two words for you, Worrell-- 614 00:29:10,148 --> 00:29:11,049 friendly fire. 615 00:29:16,121 --> 00:29:18,156 You know, I think he's warming up to me. 616 00:29:18,156 --> 00:29:20,993 He actually used the word "friendly." 617 00:29:20,993 --> 00:29:22,027 Look at it this way, Ernest. 618 00:29:22,027 --> 00:29:24,296 After Operation Sand Trap, me and you, 619 00:29:24,296 --> 00:29:26,598 we'll be desert heroes. 620 00:29:26,598 --> 00:29:29,067 Desert heroes. 621 00:29:29,067 --> 00:29:32,337 Legends of the Sudan. 622 00:29:32,337 --> 00:29:34,306 What is the measure of a man? 623 00:29:34,306 --> 00:29:35,374 A yardstick? 624 00:29:35,374 --> 00:29:36,274 Nay. 625 00:29:36,274 --> 00:29:37,609 His heart. 626 00:29:37,609 --> 00:29:40,045 His dedication to God and country. 627 00:29:40,045 --> 00:29:42,848 The sort of car he drives. 628 00:29:42,848 --> 00:29:45,817 Give me a man who will work through lunch battling 629 00:29:45,817 --> 00:29:49,287 insurmountable odds to spit his last bloody breath 630 00:29:49,287 --> 00:29:51,089 into the face of the enemy. 631 00:29:51,089 --> 00:29:54,026 A man who will never once complain about sunburn 632 00:29:54,026 --> 00:29:56,294 or painful underwear itch. 633 00:29:56,294 --> 00:30:00,032 Live each day as if it were your last because someday, 634 00:30:00,032 --> 00:30:02,167 he will be right. 635 00:30:02,167 --> 00:30:03,568 No prisoners. 636 00:30:03,568 --> 00:30:05,103 No prisoners. 637 00:30:05,103 --> 00:30:06,938 No prisoners. 638 00:30:13,145 --> 00:30:15,547 Communique from Interceptor. 639 00:30:15,547 --> 00:30:17,616 It's About time there was some progress. 640 00:30:17,616 --> 00:30:18,517 Yes, sir. 641 00:30:18,517 --> 00:30:19,985 He is airborne. 642 00:30:19,985 --> 00:30:20,886 Good. 643 00:30:20,886 --> 00:30:22,154 Good. 644 00:30:22,154 --> 00:30:24,756 Soon FIT will have pluton missile 645 00:30:24,756 --> 00:30:27,292 and Operation Payback can begin. 646 00:30:27,292 --> 00:30:28,760 Left. 647 00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:29,728 Left. 648 00:30:29,728 --> 00:30:32,130 Left, right, left. 649 00:30:32,130 --> 00:30:33,098 Left. 650 00:30:33,098 --> 00:30:34,066 Left. 651 00:30:34,066 --> 00:30:36,501 Left, right, left. 652 00:30:36,501 --> 00:30:37,469 Left. 653 00:30:37,469 --> 00:30:38,437 Left. 654 00:30:38,437 --> 00:30:42,307 Left, right, left. 655 00:30:42,307 --> 00:30:45,477 You know, I think I brought too much carry on. 656 00:30:45,477 --> 00:30:46,712 I should have checked a lot of this-- 657 00:30:46,712 --> 00:30:48,647 If they're going down the hole, follow. 658 00:30:48,647 --> 00:30:51,249 I shoulda checked a lot of this stuff at the baggage. 659 00:30:51,249 --> 00:30:52,984 Hey, does anybody want a juice? 660 00:30:52,984 --> 00:30:54,753 I think I've got some olive loaf. 661 00:30:54,753 --> 00:30:56,555 Beautiful, General. Beautiful. 662 00:30:56,555 --> 00:30:58,690 Now, if you could just turn your body toward me, sir. 663 00:30:58,690 --> 00:31:00,525 I want to try and catch that flight of F-18s 664 00:31:00,525 --> 00:31:01,593 in the background. 665 00:31:01,593 --> 00:31:02,761 N-- no, they're ours. 666 00:31:02,761 --> 00:31:04,362 Their ours, sir. - God bless them. 667 00:31:04,362 --> 00:31:06,364 Now, sir, if you could just turn your head a little bit 668 00:31:06,364 --> 00:31:07,265 to the right. 669 00:31:07,265 --> 00:31:09,034 I'm trying to lose that cold sore on your lip. 670 00:31:09,034 --> 00:31:10,569 - Shaving cut. - I'm sure, sir. 671 00:31:10,569 --> 00:31:11,570 I'm sure. Good. 672 00:31:11,570 --> 00:31:12,471 Good. 673 00:31:12,471 --> 00:31:14,272 Stand by. 674 00:31:14,272 --> 00:31:16,274 Action! 675 00:31:16,274 --> 00:31:17,776 Charge! 676 00:31:22,681 --> 00:31:24,182 And cut. 677 00:31:24,182 --> 00:31:26,084 All right. 678 00:31:26,084 --> 00:31:29,621 OK, Lloyd, let's do lunch. Come on. 679 00:31:29,621 --> 00:31:30,589 I know this nice, new place. 680 00:31:30,589 --> 00:31:31,490 Do you like fish? 681 00:31:31,490 --> 00:31:33,425 This place called the Hairy Prawn. 682 00:31:33,425 --> 00:31:34,960 You'll love it. 683 00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:36,661 Left, right, left. 684 00:31:36,661 --> 00:31:37,562 Hold it! 685 00:31:37,562 --> 00:31:38,663 Hold it. 686 00:31:38,663 --> 00:31:39,798 What's going on up there? 687 00:31:39,798 --> 00:31:41,500 further up the beach. 688 00:31:41,500 --> 00:31:47,205 It's a baby blue jellyfish, or gelacticus swim fasticus. 689 00:31:47,205 --> 00:31:50,041 It is native to the warm waters of Zanzibar 690 00:31:50,041 --> 00:31:53,145 and feeds primarily upon plankton and other forms of-- 691 00:31:53,145 --> 00:31:54,913 What are you doing? 692 00:31:54,913 --> 00:31:57,048 Oh, hi, Colonel. 693 00:31:57,048 --> 00:32:00,452 This is a gelacticus swim fasticus, 694 00:32:00,452 --> 00:32:02,254 or baby blue jellyfish. 695 00:32:02,254 --> 00:32:03,155 It is common to-- 696 00:32:03,155 --> 00:32:05,190 Shut up! 697 00:32:05,190 --> 00:32:07,959 But it's still alive. 698 00:32:07,959 --> 00:32:10,228 You're stopping the entire combined force 699 00:32:10,228 --> 00:32:12,130 of the world for a jellyfish? 700 00:32:12,130 --> 00:32:16,401 A baby blue jellyfish, or gelacticus swim fast-- 701 00:32:16,401 --> 00:32:18,770 Give me 20, soldier. 702 00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:20,071 Gosh, 20. 703 00:32:20,071 --> 00:32:21,006 That means I can't go-- 704 00:32:21,006 --> 00:32:22,574 On the ground, idiot! 705 00:32:24,910 --> 00:32:31,349 One, two, three-- 706 00:32:31,349 --> 00:32:33,251 All right, enough wild life education. 707 00:32:33,251 --> 00:32:34,553 Let's move it out! 708 00:32:34,553 --> 00:32:35,754 Left. 709 00:32:35,754 --> 00:32:36,655 Left. 710 00:32:36,655 --> 00:32:39,157 Left, right, left. 711 00:32:39,157 --> 00:32:52,537 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19-- 712 00:32:52,537 --> 00:33:05,917 1,221, 1,222, 1,223, 1,224, 1,225, 1,226. 713 00:33:05,917 --> 00:33:08,420 One-- one thou-- That out to be enough. 714 00:33:08,420 --> 00:33:11,923 I hope I can catch up to these guys. 715 00:33:16,928 --> 00:33:17,896 You are American? 716 00:33:17,896 --> 00:33:20,732 Yep, born and bred in the land of the free. 717 00:33:20,732 --> 00:33:22,868 You ever been to Karifistan before? 718 00:33:22,868 --> 00:33:25,136 No, never been further east than Savannah. 719 00:33:25,136 --> 00:33:29,307 Well, there are some strange and dangerous cults 720 00:33:29,307 --> 00:33:31,042 and curses in the Middle East. 721 00:33:31,042 --> 00:33:31,943 Yeah, I know. 722 00:33:31,943 --> 00:33:32,978 I saw them on cable. 723 00:33:32,978 --> 00:33:36,882 So you know you need one of these or all manner of trouble 724 00:33:36,882 --> 00:33:38,416 will befall you. 725 00:33:38,416 --> 00:33:41,853 The charm of Geshua. 726 00:33:41,853 --> 00:33:42,888 Let me see that. 727 00:33:42,888 --> 00:33:45,357 50 bucks, US. 728 00:33:45,357 --> 00:33:46,558 50 bucks? 729 00:33:46,558 --> 00:33:51,563 Do I look like I have stupid written all over my face? 730 00:33:51,563 --> 00:33:53,298 60 bucks. 731 00:33:53,298 --> 00:33:54,633 60 bucks? 732 00:33:54,633 --> 00:33:55,800 That's outrageous. 733 00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:59,471 It has good luck too, at no extra costs. 734 00:33:59,471 --> 00:34:01,907 You mean, it comes with all the bells and whistles 735 00:34:01,907 --> 00:34:03,008 and everything? 736 00:34:03,008 --> 00:34:05,777 All of them. 737 00:34:05,777 --> 00:34:08,680 OK, $65 and that's my last offer. 738 00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:11,249 OK, but you robbing me. 739 00:34:11,249 --> 00:34:13,018 OK. 740 00:34:13,018 --> 00:34:16,221 All I got's a hundred dollar bill. 741 00:34:16,221 --> 00:34:17,188 Wait here. 742 00:34:17,188 --> 00:34:18,290 I'll bring you change. 743 00:34:23,695 --> 00:34:26,731 Gosh, I hate taking advantage of a little kid like that. 744 00:34:33,538 --> 00:34:36,007 I sure hope he makes it back soon with my change. 745 00:34:40,745 --> 00:34:43,848 This is the Arabian Desert, gentleman. 746 00:34:43,848 --> 00:34:47,419 It is hot, cruel, and unforgiving. 747 00:34:47,419 --> 00:34:51,089 This is the chemical weapon the enemy uses. 748 00:34:51,089 --> 00:34:55,360 It is highly toxic and can melt the skin off a tyrannosaurus. 749 00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,395 In the event of such a gas attack, 750 00:34:57,395 --> 00:35:01,733 you'll need a working knowledge of your gas mask. 751 00:35:01,733 --> 00:35:04,736 Place the mask fully over your face 752 00:35:04,736 --> 00:35:09,274 and adjust the straps to ensure there are no gaps. 753 00:35:09,274 --> 00:35:11,042 Continue to breathe normally. 754 00:35:14,913 --> 00:35:17,248 It is an essential part of your military equipment. 755 00:35:17,248 --> 00:35:20,685 It will be kept clean and free of dirt and foreign objects. 756 00:35:20,685 --> 00:35:24,489 Abuse of military property is not to be tolerated. 757 00:35:24,489 --> 00:35:26,391 Worrell, get back in line! 758 00:35:26,391 --> 00:35:28,026 Worrell, get back in line! 759 00:35:28,026 --> 00:35:29,227 Worrell, do you hear me? 760 00:35:29,227 --> 00:35:30,528 What do you think you're doing? 761 00:35:30,528 --> 00:35:31,429 Worrell! 762 00:35:31,429 --> 00:35:33,264 Worrell, give me that! 763 00:35:37,335 --> 00:35:40,205 Worrell, have you lost your mind? 764 00:35:40,205 --> 00:35:41,573 Worrell, get back in line! 765 00:35:42,540 --> 00:35:43,508 Can you hear me, Worrell? 766 00:35:43,508 --> 00:35:45,410 This is disobeying orders! 767 00:35:46,778 --> 00:35:48,747 Worrell, no smoking on duty! 768 00:35:48,747 --> 00:35:50,715 Worrell, I'll see you court marshalled for this! 769 00:35:53,685 --> 00:35:56,654 I'm with the press. 770 00:35:56,654 --> 00:35:57,622 OK, you guys. 771 00:35:57,622 --> 00:35:59,090 I'll catch you later. 772 00:35:59,090 --> 00:36:00,592 Ooh, hurry up, man. 773 00:36:00,592 --> 00:36:03,061 I'm bursting. 774 00:36:03,061 --> 00:36:04,129 Right on through. 775 00:36:04,129 --> 00:36:05,030 Thanks. 776 00:36:05,030 --> 00:36:06,998 You wouldn't happen to-- 777 00:36:06,998 --> 00:36:11,136 And when the smoke clears, you'll be singing soprano. 778 00:36:11,136 --> 00:36:14,739 And finally, the newly developed rock mines. 779 00:36:14,739 --> 00:36:17,242 The one on my right is an ordinary rock. 780 00:36:17,242 --> 00:36:20,045 The one on the left will rock your world. 781 00:36:20,045 --> 00:36:21,579 Handle this one carefully, men. 782 00:36:21,579 --> 00:36:24,315 Hm? 783 00:36:24,315 --> 00:36:27,285 They're very sensitive. 784 00:36:27,285 --> 00:36:30,055 They're perfectly camouflaged. 785 00:36:30,055 --> 00:36:33,391 A good bump will definitely turn you into a fine red mist. 786 00:36:33,391 --> 00:36:34,592 Hm? 787 00:36:34,592 --> 00:36:35,627 Give me the mine, private. 788 00:36:35,627 --> 00:36:36,528 Give it to him. 789 00:36:36,528 --> 00:36:37,429 Give it to him, Ernest. 790 00:36:37,429 --> 00:36:40,165 Eenie, meanie, miney-- 791 00:36:40,165 --> 00:36:42,067 One potato, two potato-- 792 00:36:42,067 --> 00:36:42,967 Paper, rock, scissors-- 793 00:36:42,967 --> 00:36:43,868 The mine! 794 00:36:43,868 --> 00:36:44,936 Ernest, give it to him. 795 00:36:48,673 --> 00:36:50,141 - General! - I'm busy. 796 00:37:02,487 --> 00:37:03,955 Can I keep the rock? 797 00:37:06,558 --> 00:37:07,459 Sir. 798 00:37:07,459 --> 00:37:10,261 Carter, Rosen, at ease, men. 799 00:37:10,261 --> 00:37:12,030 Cut. 800 00:37:12,030 --> 00:37:13,098 Keep that take. 801 00:37:13,098 --> 00:37:14,966 I want that one for myself. 802 00:37:18,670 --> 00:37:21,039 Private, get over here! 803 00:37:21,039 --> 00:37:23,041 Hey, Ernest, where are you headed? 804 00:37:23,041 --> 00:37:25,210 I'm gonna go whip up my special pancake 805 00:37:25,210 --> 00:37:26,644 breakfast for the troops. 806 00:37:26,644 --> 00:37:29,247 I'll warn them. 807 00:37:29,247 --> 00:37:30,682 No! Stop! 808 00:37:30,682 --> 00:37:31,649 Leave me alone! 809 00:37:31,649 --> 00:37:33,084 That's mine! 810 00:37:33,084 --> 00:37:35,120 Hey, what's going on there? 811 00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:36,621 You leave that boy alone. 812 00:37:39,624 --> 00:37:41,926 You saved my life. 813 00:37:41,926 --> 00:37:43,261 I owe you everything. 814 00:37:43,261 --> 00:37:45,663 I will return all of your money. 815 00:37:45,663 --> 00:37:47,832 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 816 00:37:47,832 --> 00:37:49,200 It's OK, little fella. 817 00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:50,802 It's OK. 818 00:37:50,802 --> 00:37:51,936 Oh, no. 819 00:37:51,936 --> 00:37:53,404 They would have killed me. 820 00:37:53,404 --> 00:37:54,806 I owe you, sahib. 821 00:37:54,806 --> 00:37:59,077 Here, here is your money with some extra. 822 00:37:59,077 --> 00:38:00,712 Well-- well, what's your name? 823 00:38:00,712 --> 00:38:02,213 Ben-Ali will be in your service 824 00:38:02,213 --> 00:38:04,115 for as long as I breathe. 825 00:38:04,115 --> 00:38:06,451 I had a good buddy back home named Ben. 826 00:38:06,451 --> 00:38:08,019 I am good buddy now. 827 00:38:08,019 --> 00:38:10,155 Good buddy forever. 828 00:38:10,155 --> 00:38:11,790 My name is Ernest. 829 00:38:11,790 --> 00:38:12,690 Ben. 830 00:38:12,690 --> 00:38:15,260 Ben, close buddy to Ernest, eh? 831 00:38:15,260 --> 00:38:19,130 Um, Ben, I've got to go now and cook breakfast. 832 00:38:19,130 --> 00:38:20,832 Do you like pancakes? 833 00:38:20,832 --> 00:38:21,733 Yes. 834 00:38:21,733 --> 00:38:23,001 I kinda thought you would. 835 00:38:29,240 --> 00:38:31,009 With INNI, you are 836 00:38:31,009 --> 00:38:33,578 there in Operation Sand Trap. 837 00:38:33,578 --> 00:38:36,548 UN Peacekeeping Forces have established a firm beachhead 838 00:38:36,548 --> 00:38:40,985 in Karifistan, but now Tufuti is in possession of a pluton bomb. 839 00:38:40,985 --> 00:38:43,388 What started out to be a simple peacekeeping mission 840 00:38:43,388 --> 00:38:45,924 has put American troops in harm's way. 841 00:38:45,924 --> 00:38:48,560 This deadly game may escalate beyond control. 842 00:38:56,601 --> 00:38:59,604 Excellency, news from the northern commander. 843 00:38:59,604 --> 00:39:00,738 Yes, Kibee? 844 00:39:00,738 --> 00:39:03,341 Northern Karifistan has fallen. 845 00:39:03,341 --> 00:39:07,312 The UN has established a beachhead. 846 00:39:07,312 --> 00:39:09,714 The eagle has perched in your cross-hairs. 847 00:39:09,714 --> 00:39:11,149 Excellent. 848 00:39:11,149 --> 00:39:14,986 Tell the commander to send me four of his best men. 849 00:39:14,986 --> 00:39:17,188 It's time to move on to the next tee. 850 00:39:17,188 --> 00:39:19,190 As you command, Excellency. 851 00:39:23,595 --> 00:39:26,331 Bonsoir, monsieur, and welcome 852 00:39:26,331 --> 00:39:28,933 to "Cooking with Ernesto." 853 00:39:28,933 --> 00:39:31,469 Today we're going to attempt my world 854 00:39:31,469 --> 00:39:36,074 famous recipe for GI pancakes, or as I call them, 855 00:39:36,074 --> 00:39:37,742 crepes khaki. 856 00:39:37,742 --> 00:39:40,044 First-a, we and a few eggs. 857 00:39:40,945 --> 00:39:41,846 Eww. 858 00:39:41,846 --> 00:39:42,747 Perfect. 859 00:39:42,747 --> 00:39:46,284 Now, we add the mix. 860 00:39:46,284 --> 00:39:48,753 Isn't that too much? 861 00:39:48,753 --> 00:39:51,956 It is a creative thing, Pepe. 862 00:39:51,956 --> 00:39:54,525 You will understand when you are older. 863 00:39:54,525 --> 00:39:56,828 Now, we add enough water to mix. 864 00:39:57,729 --> 00:39:58,630 Eww. 865 00:40:03,501 --> 00:40:06,137 It is perhaps a bit thin. 866 00:40:06,137 --> 00:40:09,574 We will add a bit more mix to thicken. 867 00:40:09,574 --> 00:40:10,475 I see. 868 00:40:15,780 --> 00:40:17,949 Ah, perfecto. 869 00:40:17,949 --> 00:40:22,387 Now, it is time to test the grill. 870 00:40:23,254 --> 00:40:24,222 Ah! 871 00:40:24,222 --> 00:40:26,557 Ah, Ben! 872 00:40:26,557 --> 00:40:28,393 Ben, hand me the spatula. 873 00:40:28,393 --> 00:40:29,627 A bababa? 874 00:40:29,627 --> 00:40:31,062 The spatula. 875 00:40:31,062 --> 00:40:32,664 Ah, a bababa. 876 00:40:32,664 --> 00:40:34,299 A spatula. 877 00:40:34,299 --> 00:40:35,433 Oh. 878 00:40:35,433 --> 00:40:36,334 One of these? 879 00:40:36,334 --> 00:40:37,235 Uh-huh. 880 00:40:37,235 --> 00:40:38,503 Funny. 881 00:40:38,503 --> 00:40:39,904 We call them spatulas. 882 00:40:39,904 --> 00:40:41,239 Oh, give me that. 883 00:40:53,084 --> 00:40:54,419 Oh, morning. 884 00:40:54,419 --> 00:40:55,320 Pancakes? 885 00:41:03,661 --> 00:41:05,630 Wh-- whoa. 886 00:41:06,664 --> 00:41:07,565 Sorry. 887 00:41:10,601 --> 00:41:11,502 Good morning. 888 00:41:11,502 --> 00:41:14,339 Morning. 889 00:41:20,978 --> 00:41:21,879 Sorry, that one's dirty. 890 00:41:21,879 --> 00:41:23,247 Here, let me get you another one. 891 00:41:23,247 --> 00:41:24,148 No! 892 00:41:24,148 --> 00:41:25,083 No! 893 00:41:25,083 --> 00:41:25,984 I got blueberry. 894 00:41:25,984 --> 00:41:27,952 No way, man! 895 00:41:27,952 --> 00:41:30,888 Would you like the blueberry? 896 00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:43,401 Seconds? 897 00:41:43,401 --> 00:41:46,404 Have you tried these? 898 00:41:57,915 --> 00:42:00,418 Mm. 899 00:42:00,418 --> 00:42:01,419 Good. 900 00:42:01,419 --> 00:42:03,888 Needs a little syrup. 901 00:42:03,888 --> 00:42:05,556 Ben, hand me the syrup. 902 00:42:07,959 --> 00:42:10,762 Thanks. 903 00:42:14,098 --> 00:42:15,333 Mm. Mm. 904 00:42:15,333 --> 00:42:16,234 That's better. 905 00:42:26,277 --> 00:42:28,646 Ooh! 906 00:42:28,646 --> 00:42:31,582 Ben, what do you want for breakfast? 907 00:42:31,582 --> 00:42:35,420 I think I'll take my chances on the street. 908 00:42:35,420 --> 00:42:36,954 Can you get me a cheeseburger? 909 00:42:36,954 --> 00:42:37,855 Hi. 910 00:42:37,855 --> 00:42:38,790 Excuse me. 911 00:42:41,459 --> 00:42:43,594 Guy, oh. 912 00:42:43,594 --> 00:42:44,495 Hi. 913 00:42:44,495 --> 00:42:45,663 They hate it when you punch holes 914 00:42:45,663 --> 00:42:47,432 in these armored personnel carriers. 915 00:42:47,432 --> 00:42:49,033 Has this happened before? 916 00:42:49,033 --> 00:42:50,468 Only on pancake day. 917 00:42:50,468 --> 00:42:54,705 Usually, the eggs just kinda eat the paint off. 918 00:42:57,675 --> 00:42:59,243 Could you, um-- 919 00:42:59,243 --> 00:43:00,545 Never mind, it's OK. 920 00:43:00,545 --> 00:43:03,414 I can't believe it. 921 00:43:03,414 --> 00:43:06,317 It's my dream come true. 922 00:43:06,317 --> 00:43:08,019 It's-- it's Cindy Swanson. 923 00:43:08,019 --> 00:43:09,687 She's here at Karifistan. 924 00:43:09,687 --> 00:43:11,022 Is that your girlfriend? 925 00:43:11,022 --> 00:43:11,923 Well, no. 926 00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:13,024 Not really my girlfriend. 927 00:43:13,024 --> 00:43:14,158 We just kind of-- 928 00:43:14,158 --> 00:43:15,793 I mean, I just know her from seeing 929 00:43:15,793 --> 00:43:18,196 her on the Channel 3 News. 930 00:43:18,196 --> 00:43:20,498 Oh, this is my lucky day. 931 00:43:20,498 --> 00:43:24,635 See, the Geshua charm works. 932 00:43:24,635 --> 00:43:26,304 Can I help you with your bags? 933 00:43:26,304 --> 00:43:27,805 Oh, are you a mirage? 934 00:43:27,805 --> 00:43:28,706 No, ma'am. 935 00:43:28,706 --> 00:43:29,640 Southern Baptist. 936 00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:30,541 Thank you, I'm Cindy Sw-- 937 00:43:30,541 --> 00:43:33,744 I know, you're Cindy Swanson from Channel 3 in the states. 938 00:43:33,744 --> 00:43:35,112 I'm your biggest fan. 939 00:43:35,112 --> 00:43:36,013 And you are? 940 00:43:36,013 --> 00:43:38,382 Oh, Private Ernest P. Worrell, at your service. 941 00:43:38,382 --> 00:43:40,384 - At ease, Worrell. - Oh, hi, Colonel. 942 00:43:40,384 --> 00:43:41,486 This is Cindy Swanson. 943 00:43:41,486 --> 00:43:43,221 You know, from Channel 3 in the states? 944 00:43:43,221 --> 00:43:45,122 A close personal friend of mine. 945 00:43:45,122 --> 00:43:46,657 Colonel Bradley Gullet. 946 00:43:46,657 --> 00:43:47,758 Hello. 947 00:43:47,758 --> 00:43:49,227 I'll take it from here, Worrell. 948 00:43:49,227 --> 00:43:51,028 Oh, really, sir, it's no trouble at all. 949 00:43:51,028 --> 00:43:53,231 I said I'll take it from here. 950 00:43:53,231 --> 00:43:55,466 Yeah, Cindy, the Colonel can handle your bags. 951 00:43:55,466 --> 00:43:57,735 He's real strong. 952 00:43:57,735 --> 00:43:58,936 I'll see you around, Cindy. 953 00:43:58,936 --> 00:43:59,837 Thanks, Ernest. 954 00:43:59,837 --> 00:44:01,239 - You're a reporter, huh? - Mm-hm. 955 00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:02,773 Well, stick with me, Miss Swanson. 956 00:44:02,773 --> 00:44:03,875 When it comes to getting a scoop, 957 00:44:03,875 --> 00:44:06,511 it's strictly who you know. 958 00:44:06,511 --> 00:44:08,012 Private Dawson, get those bags. 959 00:44:11,149 --> 00:44:14,418 I guess the Geshua charm didn't work so well. 960 00:44:14,418 --> 00:44:17,288 Neither did the Worrell charm. 961 00:44:17,288 --> 00:44:20,758 There are many ways to feed a camel, Master. 962 00:44:20,758 --> 00:44:22,727 Know what I mean? 963 00:44:22,727 --> 00:44:26,797 Do you mean Cindy is a camel master? 964 00:44:32,370 --> 00:44:33,271 All right. 965 00:44:33,271 --> 00:44:34,705 Now, remember General, be sure to look 966 00:44:34,705 --> 00:44:35,806 straight into the cameras. 967 00:44:35,806 --> 00:44:38,342 America, and the rest of the world, is staring back at you. 968 00:44:38,342 --> 00:44:40,077 - Can I look at my notes? - Don't look at your notes. 969 00:44:40,077 --> 00:44:40,645 Don't look at my notes? 970 00:44:40,645 --> 00:44:41,746 Don't look at your notes. 971 00:44:41,746 --> 00:44:44,682 And don't take any questions from that round haircut at CBS. 972 00:44:44,682 --> 00:44:46,017 - Oh, I hate that dork. - Yeah, me too. 973 00:44:46,017 --> 00:44:47,185 You got your Nam metals on? 974 00:44:47,185 --> 00:44:48,352 Affirmative. 975 00:44:48,352 --> 00:44:50,288 Act natural, warm. 976 00:44:50,288 --> 00:44:51,622 Friendly, but firm. - Firm. 977 00:44:51,622 --> 00:44:52,723 Firm. A general's firm. 978 00:44:52,723 --> 00:44:53,958 - A general's firm. - All right. 979 00:44:53,958 --> 00:44:54,859 That's right, tiger. 980 00:44:54,859 --> 00:44:57,094 Now, get out there and take your best shot. 981 00:44:57,094 --> 00:44:57,995 Barnes! 982 00:44:57,995 --> 00:44:59,497 What if I get a book deal out of this? 983 00:44:59,497 --> 00:45:00,831 Don't worry, we'll get a ghostwriter. 984 00:45:00,831 --> 00:45:03,100 - A ghostwriter? - Powell's got a ghostwriter. 985 00:45:03,100 --> 00:45:04,435 Really? I did not know that. 986 00:45:04,435 --> 00:45:05,336 Run along. 987 00:45:05,336 --> 00:45:06,671 Run along. 988 00:45:06,671 --> 00:45:09,140 General! 989 00:45:18,583 --> 00:45:21,686 Gentlemen, may I have your attention, please? 990 00:45:21,686 --> 00:45:24,789 It appears Tufuti has more firepower than anticipated, 991 00:45:24,789 --> 00:45:26,624 so we must escalate the contact. 992 00:45:26,624 --> 00:45:29,727 You men will be moving toward the front lines at 0600 hours. 993 00:45:29,727 --> 00:45:32,863 That's in three hours from now. 994 00:45:32,863 --> 00:45:33,864 Nighty night. 995 00:45:33,864 --> 00:45:35,032 Sleep tight. 996 00:45:35,032 --> 00:45:35,967 Boy 997 00:45:35,967 --> 00:45:38,970 Oh, man. 998 00:45:38,970 --> 00:45:40,104 I thought we were a supply unit. 999 00:45:40,104 --> 00:45:42,239 I didn't think we'd actually see combat. 1000 00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:43,174 Combat? 1001 00:45:44,141 --> 00:45:46,510 Don't be afraid, Corporal Davis, Ernest 1002 00:45:46,510 --> 00:45:49,614 is the great American warrior my father talked about. 1003 00:45:49,614 --> 00:45:50,648 He will protect us all. 1004 00:45:50,648 --> 00:45:51,549 That's right. 1005 00:45:51,549 --> 00:45:55,519 I'll just-- Ben! 1006 00:45:55,519 --> 00:45:57,021 What are you doing under there? 1007 00:45:57,021 --> 00:45:59,256 I stick by my good buddy Ernest. 1008 00:45:59,256 --> 00:46:00,825 You said buddies stick together. 1009 00:46:00,825 --> 00:46:02,426 Oh, Ben, you can't stay here. 1010 00:46:02,426 --> 00:46:03,594 You've got to go home. 1011 00:46:03,594 --> 00:46:06,797 Your folks will worry about you. 1012 00:46:06,797 --> 00:46:08,466 Did you hear me, Ben? 1013 00:46:08,466 --> 00:46:10,134 You've got to go home. 1014 00:46:10,134 --> 00:46:12,303 I have no home. 1015 00:46:12,303 --> 00:46:13,838 This is my home now. 1016 00:46:13,838 --> 00:46:16,507 Well, what about your family? 1017 00:46:16,507 --> 00:46:20,745 My mother was killed by Tufuti's , 1018 00:46:20,745 --> 00:46:24,415 and my father went to fight in the resistance 1019 00:46:24,415 --> 00:46:26,817 and never came home. 1020 00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:30,688 I'm sorry, Ben. 1021 00:46:33,357 --> 00:46:35,826 Don't worry. 1022 00:46:35,826 --> 00:46:37,128 Everything's gonna be OK. 1023 00:46:44,135 --> 00:46:47,371 I know what it's like to be alone. 1024 00:46:47,371 --> 00:46:48,339 Good night, son. 1025 00:47:03,554 --> 00:47:04,889 Where are they going? 1026 00:47:04,889 --> 00:47:06,057 I have no idea, but I think 1027 00:47:06,057 --> 00:47:10,261 the Colonel's gonna be the first one of us to see some action. 1028 00:47:10,261 --> 00:47:11,595 - Ernest! - Come on, Ernest. 1029 00:47:11,595 --> 00:47:13,497 - Let's go. - Ernest! 1030 00:47:13,497 --> 00:47:14,398 Ernest! 1031 00:47:14,398 --> 00:47:15,733 Where are you going? 1032 00:47:15,733 --> 00:47:17,568 We've got to go to the front to help the soldiers. 1033 00:47:17,568 --> 00:47:19,370 - I go too. - Oh, no, Ben. 1034 00:47:19,370 --> 00:47:20,471 This is no place for a boy. 1035 00:47:20,471 --> 00:47:21,605 I am not a boy. 1036 00:47:21,605 --> 00:47:23,808 I'm a brave warrior like Ernest. 1037 00:47:23,808 --> 00:47:26,444 I'm sorry, Ben, but you're gonna have to stay here. 1038 00:47:26,444 --> 00:47:28,813 What about sticking by your buddy? 1039 00:47:28,813 --> 00:47:29,914 I'm sorry, Ben. 1040 00:47:29,914 --> 00:47:31,048 We've got to go. 1041 00:47:31,048 --> 00:47:31,949 We'll be back. 1042 00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:39,924 He'll never come back. 1043 00:47:44,228 --> 00:47:45,196 Excellency. 1044 00:47:45,196 --> 00:47:46,964 Yes, Kibee? 1045 00:47:46,964 --> 00:47:48,365 These are the men you sent for. 1046 00:47:51,035 --> 00:47:55,406 I need to put a face on this invasion. 1047 00:47:55,406 --> 00:47:58,342 A sympathetic face. 1048 00:47:58,342 --> 00:48:02,346 One that will ensure media attention. 1049 00:48:02,346 --> 00:48:04,782 An American face. 1050 00:48:13,124 --> 00:48:14,592 Out! Out! 1051 00:48:14,592 --> 00:48:15,559 Out! 1052 00:48:21,699 --> 00:48:24,168 Colonel Gullet, where are we? 1053 00:48:24,168 --> 00:48:27,238 We're about three steps from heaven. 1054 00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:28,139 Oh! 1055 00:48:28,139 --> 00:48:29,707 Colonel Gullet, please! 1056 00:48:29,707 --> 00:48:32,042 Let's just stick to the problem at hand. 1057 00:48:32,042 --> 00:48:33,577 I'm trying to get back to this base. 1058 00:48:33,577 --> 00:48:35,446 Look, I'm not used to taking no for an answer. 1059 00:48:35,446 --> 00:48:36,881 When I see something I want, I go-- 1060 00:48:40,417 --> 00:48:41,952 Thanks. 1061 00:48:41,952 --> 00:48:45,055 Say, you fellas look like you're from around here. 1062 00:48:45,055 --> 00:48:47,158 Would you happen to know where this place-- 1063 00:49:00,004 --> 00:49:01,739 With INNI, you are 1064 00:49:01,739 --> 00:49:04,074 there in Operation Sand Trap. 1065 00:49:04,074 --> 00:49:06,343 I'm Frank Williams, and we're waiting for a briefing 1066 00:49:06,343 --> 00:49:09,046 from General Rodney Lincoln, perhaps the most colorful 1067 00:49:09,046 --> 00:49:12,316 of all the allied commanders of Operation Sand Trap. 1068 00:49:12,316 --> 00:49:13,584 And what a voice. 1069 00:49:13,584 --> 00:49:15,986 At approximately 1800 hours today 1070 00:49:15,986 --> 00:49:19,723 the Allied Forces will begin carpet bombing Sectors 30, 31, 1071 00:49:19,723 --> 00:49:23,460 and 32, along with 200 sorties as preparatory 1072 00:49:23,460 --> 00:49:24,562 to ground assault. 1073 00:49:24,562 --> 00:49:25,496 Slip the map. 1074 00:49:25,496 --> 00:49:26,697 Here. 1075 00:49:26,697 --> 00:49:28,132 Now the color. 1076 00:49:28,132 --> 00:49:30,301 And if Tutti Frutti has the common sense 1077 00:49:30,301 --> 00:49:33,404 of a duck, he'll tuck that keester of his up under that 1078 00:49:33,404 --> 00:49:35,606 beach blanket he wears for a hat and hightail 1079 00:49:35,606 --> 00:49:37,808 it out of there like a jack rabbit in a Louisiana oil 1080 00:49:37,808 --> 00:49:38,709 spill. 1081 00:49:38,709 --> 00:49:39,777 That a boy. 1082 00:49:39,777 --> 00:49:40,878 Any questions? 1083 00:49:47,852 --> 00:49:49,353 Gullet. 1084 00:49:49,353 --> 00:49:50,421 Gullet! 1085 00:49:50,421 --> 00:49:51,755 Wake up, you creep. 1086 00:49:51,755 --> 00:49:54,425 I can't believe you got me into this. 1087 00:49:54,425 --> 00:49:55,493 Hey, look. 1088 00:49:55,493 --> 00:49:56,760 Look who's out there. 1089 00:49:56,760 --> 00:49:57,661 What is it? 1090 00:49:57,661 --> 00:49:59,663 It's President Tufuti. 1091 00:49:59,663 --> 00:50:00,631 Tufuti? 1092 00:50:00,631 --> 00:50:01,765 In the flesh. 1093 00:50:01,765 --> 00:50:03,367 He standing over by the oasis with those goons 1094 00:50:03,367 --> 00:50:04,268 who captured us. 1095 00:50:04,268 --> 00:50:05,836 Oasis? 1096 00:50:05,836 --> 00:50:09,173 The only enemy base near an oasis is in Sector 32. 1097 00:50:09,173 --> 00:50:10,074 Sector 32. 1098 00:50:10,074 --> 00:50:10,975 Great. 1099 00:50:10,975 --> 00:50:12,543 Now we know where we are, no thanks to you. 1100 00:50:12,543 --> 00:50:14,211 Too bad nobody else does. 1101 00:50:14,211 --> 00:50:15,613 Look, I'm sorry. 1102 00:50:15,613 --> 00:50:18,349 I didn't know we were close to enemy lines. 1103 00:50:18,349 --> 00:50:20,651 Yeah, well, you're gonna be real sorry in a minute 1104 00:50:20,651 --> 00:50:22,019 because they're headed this way. 1105 00:50:25,089 --> 00:50:26,857 Untie them. 1106 00:50:26,857 --> 00:50:27,758 Hi. 1107 00:50:35,499 --> 00:50:39,103 I trust you are content with your accommodations, 1108 00:50:39,103 --> 00:50:41,405 and that your journey into our little country 1109 00:50:41,405 --> 00:50:43,908 has been a pleasant one? 1110 00:50:43,908 --> 00:50:45,042 Mr. President. 1111 00:50:45,042 --> 00:50:46,911 - For Life. - Whatever. 1112 00:50:46,911 --> 00:50:48,312 You must forgive these ruffians. 1113 00:50:48,312 --> 00:50:50,281 They're not very polite sometimes. 1114 00:50:53,717 --> 00:51:00,090 Ah, a member of the press and a lovely one, at that. 1115 00:51:11,769 --> 00:51:12,670 OK. 1116 00:51:12,670 --> 00:51:13,571 OK. 1117 00:51:13,571 --> 00:51:14,772 I hear you. 1118 00:51:14,772 --> 00:51:15,706 Hold it up, Ernest. 1119 00:51:18,409 --> 00:51:22,046 It looks like headquarters has changed their mind again. 1120 00:51:22,046 --> 00:51:23,614 I'll be in the communications truck. 1121 00:51:49,306 --> 00:51:50,741 I can't believe they're doing this to us. 1122 00:51:50,741 --> 00:51:51,875 We just got here. 1123 00:51:51,875 --> 00:51:54,111 That's Army intelligence for you. 1124 00:51:54,111 --> 00:51:56,113 Hey, has anybody seen Colonel Gullet? 1125 00:51:56,113 --> 00:51:57,514 He's been gone all day. 1126 00:51:57,514 --> 00:51:59,616 Maybe that reporterette's got him tied up. 1127 00:51:59,616 --> 00:52:01,385 Maybe somebody should go looking for him. 1128 00:52:01,385 --> 00:52:02,453 I'd volunteer. 1129 00:52:02,453 --> 00:52:04,154 What's the deal here, Chuck? 1130 00:52:04,154 --> 00:52:05,356 They're calling for a bug out. 1131 00:52:05,356 --> 00:52:08,726 The F-18s are bombing the entire area at 1800 hours. 1132 00:52:08,726 --> 00:52:09,727 Wow. 1133 00:52:09,727 --> 00:52:10,627 This is neat. 1134 00:52:10,627 --> 00:52:12,496 Do you get wrestling here? 1135 00:52:12,496 --> 00:52:14,365 You know, the Undertaker's gonna be on Monday Night Raw 1136 00:52:14,365 --> 00:52:15,699 this week. - Really? 1137 00:52:15,699 --> 00:52:16,600 Bullwhips? 1138 00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:17,501 Barbed wire. 1139 00:52:17,501 --> 00:52:18,635 Mm, good match. 1140 00:52:20,871 --> 00:52:21,772 It is now-- 1141 00:52:21,772 --> 00:52:23,374 Hey, don't touch this stuff. 1142 00:52:23,374 --> 00:52:25,976 --Arisian troops have at least two hostages. 1143 00:52:25,976 --> 00:52:28,445 A British Colonel and an American woman. 1144 00:52:28,445 --> 00:52:30,748 We go now to a satellite feed of a videotape 1145 00:52:30,748 --> 00:52:34,051 we received moments ago from somewhere in the Middle East. 1146 00:52:34,051 --> 00:52:35,519 I am Colonel Bradley Gullet. 1147 00:52:35,519 --> 00:52:36,787 Oh, look. 1148 00:52:36,787 --> 00:52:39,056 It's the Colonel and Cindy. 1149 00:52:39,056 --> 00:52:40,224 Well, at least they're safe. 1150 00:52:40,224 --> 00:52:44,561 --invasion of the sovereign nation of Karifistan. 1151 00:52:44,561 --> 00:52:49,133 I'm Cindy Swanson, a news reporter for Channel 3-- 1152 00:52:49,133 --> 00:52:50,367 Channel 32. 1153 00:52:50,367 --> 00:52:52,636 Ain't she something? 1154 00:52:52,636 --> 00:52:55,039 She's the best reporter Channel 3 ever had, 1155 00:52:55,039 --> 00:52:56,807 and she smells good too. 1156 00:52:56,807 --> 00:52:58,208 But she said Channel 32. 1157 00:52:58,208 --> 00:52:59,943 No, she's on Channel 3. 1158 00:52:59,943 --> 00:53:00,944 I watch her all the time. 1159 00:53:00,944 --> 00:53:04,181 No, she said Channel 32. 1160 00:53:04,181 --> 00:53:05,082 Wait a minute. 1161 00:53:05,082 --> 00:53:06,683 We denounce the American allies-- 1162 00:53:06,683 --> 00:53:10,721 Maybe she's trying to tell us something. 1163 00:53:10,721 --> 00:53:12,222 Channel 32. 1164 00:53:12,222 --> 00:53:16,160 Again, this is Cindy Swanson, for Channel 32. 1165 00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:18,595 Channel 32? 1166 00:53:18,595 --> 00:53:19,630 Channel 32? 1167 00:53:24,201 --> 00:53:28,639 Maybe she meant Sector 32. 1168 00:53:28,639 --> 00:53:29,740 No. 1169 00:53:29,740 --> 00:53:33,310 No, she said Channel 32. 1170 00:53:33,310 --> 00:53:39,650 Therefore, the code word is "Channel." 1171 00:53:49,760 --> 00:53:53,764 Soon there will be a liberator. 1172 00:53:53,764 --> 00:53:55,232 Yes. 1173 00:53:57,067 --> 00:53:58,936 I've got a full canteen and a flashlight. 1174 00:53:58,936 --> 00:54:01,638 We can be back before anybody knows we're gone. 1175 00:54:01,638 --> 00:54:04,208 No, Ernest, that's Air Rescue's job. 1176 00:54:04,208 --> 00:54:05,642 But what about the Colonel and Cindy? 1177 00:54:05,642 --> 00:54:06,577 Don't they count? 1178 00:54:06,577 --> 00:54:08,378 I'm sorry about the girl, but she's the media 1179 00:54:08,378 --> 00:54:10,114 and not our responsibility. 1180 00:54:10,114 --> 00:54:13,117 As for the Colonel, he's not the Sarge. 1181 00:54:13,117 --> 00:54:14,485 Can't we do something? 1182 00:54:14,485 --> 00:54:15,385 Get in, Ernest. 1183 00:54:15,385 --> 00:54:16,787 That's an order! 1184 00:54:16,787 --> 00:54:18,288 I'm sorry, sir. 1185 00:54:18,288 --> 00:54:21,091 I know it's high treason, and probably very rude, 1186 00:54:21,091 --> 00:54:23,727 but a real soldier wouldn't leave those people out there. 1187 00:54:23,727 --> 00:54:27,898 And Ironically, neither will I. 1188 00:54:27,898 --> 00:54:30,167 Ernest, get back here! 1189 00:54:33,670 --> 00:54:36,673 And so, it will come to pass, 1190 00:54:36,673 --> 00:54:39,476 that the great American warrior will 1191 00:54:39,476 --> 00:54:44,581 plunge himself into the vast wasteland of death. 1192 00:54:44,581 --> 00:54:48,819 He alone, a human spear, thrusting 1193 00:54:48,819 --> 00:54:50,787 the heart of the beast. 1194 00:54:55,692 --> 00:55:01,265 Kibee, bring me the UN Colonel. 1195 00:55:01,265 --> 00:55:03,233 As you desire, Mr. President-- 1196 00:55:03,233 --> 00:55:04,134 For Life. 1197 00:55:11,942 --> 00:55:13,644 Colonel Gullet, it is time. 1198 00:55:13,644 --> 00:55:15,145 What? 1199 00:55:15,145 --> 00:55:16,747 What's going on? 1200 00:55:16,747 --> 00:55:19,183 Where are you taking him? 1201 00:55:20,083 --> 00:55:22,386 It looks like I'm first. 1202 00:55:22,386 --> 00:55:25,689 Sorry, Cindy. 1203 00:55:25,689 --> 00:55:28,725 We'll be back for you, Miss Swanson. 1204 00:55:28,725 --> 00:55:29,626 No hurry. 1205 00:55:40,137 --> 00:55:45,375 Well, Colonel, you look very good on television. 1206 00:55:45,375 --> 00:55:47,878 I think you should consider it as a career. 1207 00:55:47,878 --> 00:55:50,013 I held up my end of the deal, Tufuti. 1208 00:55:50,013 --> 00:55:51,582 I delivered you your news correspondent, 1209 00:55:51,582 --> 00:55:52,649 now pay me my money. 1210 00:55:52,649 --> 00:55:54,551 I don't think you're in such a good position 1211 00:55:54,551 --> 00:55:55,819 to be demanding anything. 1212 00:55:58,922 --> 00:56:00,757 You'll die for this, Tufuti. 1213 00:56:00,757 --> 00:56:02,125 Strap him to the missile. 1214 00:56:02,125 --> 00:56:04,361 We'll send him back to his friends. 1215 00:56:04,361 --> 00:56:05,996 You'll die for this! 1216 00:56:05,996 --> 00:56:07,864 Kibee, my club. 1217 00:56:49,039 --> 00:56:53,510 The desert sun certainly has a diverse effect 1218 00:56:53,510 --> 00:56:54,544 on chocolate milk. 1219 00:57:02,953 --> 00:57:03,854 Ernest! 1220 00:57:03,854 --> 00:57:04,855 Where's Ernest? 1221 00:57:04,855 --> 00:57:06,790 Have you seen Ernest? 1222 00:57:06,790 --> 00:57:07,791 Ernest! 1223 00:57:07,791 --> 00:57:09,760 Where's Ernest? 1224 00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:11,228 Have you seen Ernest? 1225 00:57:11,228 --> 00:57:12,763 Where's Ernest? 1226 00:57:12,763 --> 00:57:13,664 Ernest? 1227 00:57:17,100 --> 00:57:18,335 Where's Ernest? Have you seen Ernest? 1228 00:57:18,335 --> 00:57:20,270 No, Ben. He went off into the desert. 1229 00:57:20,270 --> 00:57:21,171 He did? 1230 00:57:21,171 --> 00:57:23,206 He thinks he's gonna save the Colonel and that reporter. 1231 00:57:23,206 --> 00:57:24,141 Which way did he go? 1232 00:57:24,141 --> 00:57:25,475 I can't talk. I gotta go. 1233 00:57:25,475 --> 00:57:26,376 What did he say? 1234 00:57:26,376 --> 00:57:27,911 I gotta go. 1235 00:57:27,911 --> 00:57:28,812 Let's go now. 1236 00:57:28,812 --> 00:57:30,781 Quit standing around. 1237 00:57:30,781 --> 00:57:31,782 Grab that box. 1238 00:57:31,782 --> 00:57:33,750 Let's go, gentlemen. 1239 00:57:57,974 --> 00:57:59,843 My lips are peeling. 1240 00:58:04,981 --> 00:58:06,650 He just headed off toward Sector 32. 1241 00:58:06,650 --> 00:58:08,118 I tried to stop him, but he just kept going. 1242 00:58:08,118 --> 00:58:09,453 Sector 32? 1243 00:58:09,453 --> 00:58:12,422 We're just about to turn that wasteland into more wasteland. 1244 00:58:12,422 --> 00:58:13,690 Who else have you told about this? 1245 00:58:13,690 --> 00:58:14,591 No one. 1246 00:58:14,591 --> 00:58:16,193 You keep it to yourself, soldier. 1247 00:58:16,193 --> 00:58:17,194 I'll handle it from here. 1248 00:58:17,194 --> 00:58:18,829 Yes, sir. 1249 00:58:18,829 --> 00:58:20,864 Sector 32. 1250 00:58:20,864 --> 00:58:24,668 Prepare to launch assault. 1251 00:58:24,668 --> 00:58:28,071 OK, this shouldn't be hard. 1252 00:58:28,071 --> 00:58:28,972 Lift one foot. 1253 00:58:28,972 --> 00:58:31,274 Now, easy. 1254 00:58:31,274 --> 00:58:33,176 One step at a time. 1255 00:58:33,176 --> 00:58:36,813 Don't disturb the sand. 1256 00:59:00,036 --> 00:59:01,405 Sand angels. 1257 00:59:15,285 --> 00:59:16,820 Poisoned barbed wire. 1258 00:59:16,820 --> 00:59:19,055 A feeble attempt to frighten the lesser minds. 1259 00:59:41,445 --> 00:59:43,213 Well, at least I didn't get poisoned. 1260 01:00:12,542 --> 01:00:13,443 Oh. 1261 01:00:23,954 --> 01:00:25,956 Oh, yeah. 1262 01:00:35,465 --> 01:00:36,366 Hmm. 1263 01:00:44,341 --> 01:00:47,544 If it hadn't been for my stealth-like ninja moves, 1264 01:00:47,544 --> 01:00:49,613 I never would have made it this far. 1265 01:00:49,613 --> 01:00:52,048 I am poultry in motion. 1266 01:01:01,958 --> 01:01:07,864 My people, today we celebrate tomorrow's certain sacred 1267 01:01:07,864 --> 01:01:11,001 victory over the Americans. 1268 01:01:11,001 --> 01:01:14,671 And tomorrow we will pierce the heart of the eagle, 1269 01:01:14,671 --> 01:01:19,776 and all the land will praise Almar Habib Tufuti, 1270 01:01:19,776 --> 01:01:22,412 President for Life of Arisia. 1271 01:01:24,014 --> 01:01:24,915 Tufuti! 1272 01:01:24,915 --> 01:01:25,916 Tufuti! 1273 01:01:25,916 --> 01:01:26,850 Tufuti! 1274 01:01:26,850 --> 01:01:28,618 For Life! 1275 01:01:28,618 --> 01:01:29,553 For Life! 1276 01:01:32,155 --> 01:01:33,056 Hang on. 1277 01:01:47,504 --> 01:01:48,605 Ta-da! 1278 01:01:48,605 --> 01:01:49,806 The cavalry has arrived. 1279 01:01:50,707 --> 01:01:52,108 Private Worrell? 1280 01:01:52,108 --> 01:01:53,376 Well, you can 1281 01:01:53,376 --> 01:01:55,312 call me Ernest, little lady. 1282 01:01:55,312 --> 01:01:56,279 Please. 1283 01:01:56,279 --> 01:01:58,515 Where are the other soldiers? 1284 01:01:58,515 --> 01:01:59,449 It's just me. 1285 01:01:59,449 --> 01:02:02,285 I'm on special assignment. 1286 01:02:02,285 --> 01:02:04,521 I can't get this rope untied. 1287 01:02:04,521 --> 01:02:06,356 I can't believe you crossed the desert by yourself. 1288 01:02:06,356 --> 01:02:07,757 I thought you were the cook. 1289 01:02:07,757 --> 01:02:08,725 I am. 1290 01:02:08,725 --> 01:02:10,760 And a real good one too. 1291 01:02:10,760 --> 01:02:12,529 I tell you what. 1292 01:02:12,529 --> 01:02:15,031 I'm gonna have to lift this pole up, 1293 01:02:15,031 --> 01:02:16,232 and you slide the rope underneath. 1294 01:02:16,232 --> 01:02:17,133 OK. 1295 01:02:17,133 --> 01:02:18,401 OK? 1296 01:02:19,836 --> 01:02:20,737 Where's the Colonel. 1297 01:02:20,737 --> 01:02:22,906 Well, they probably put him with the other prisoners. 1298 01:02:22,906 --> 01:02:24,574 How'd you get in here? 1299 01:02:24,574 --> 01:02:25,909 Ninja training. 1300 01:02:25,909 --> 01:02:28,511 I am poultry in motion. 1301 01:02:28,511 --> 01:02:29,646 OK, you ready? I'm gonna lift. 1302 01:02:29,646 --> 01:02:30,714 Yeah, yeah. OK. 1303 01:02:30,714 --> 01:02:31,648 Slide. 1304 01:02:32,549 --> 01:02:33,450 OK, slide it. 1305 01:02:33,450 --> 01:02:35,819 I'm out! 1306 01:02:35,819 --> 01:02:36,720 Oh! 1307 01:02:38,021 --> 01:02:38,922 Ow! 1308 01:02:38,922 --> 01:02:40,357 Come here, private. 1309 01:02:40,357 --> 01:02:41,424 Oh, private. 1310 01:02:42,325 --> 01:02:44,828 Come on, private. 1311 01:02:44,828 --> 01:02:47,998 Oh, private Worrell. 1312 01:02:47,998 --> 01:02:49,466 OK, let me help you. We'll pull up. 1313 01:02:49,466 --> 01:02:50,300 Ready? - OK. 1314 01:02:50,300 --> 01:02:51,234 OK. 1315 01:02:51,234 --> 01:02:54,604 One, two, three. 1316 01:02:57,207 --> 01:02:58,108 Pull me back. 1317 01:02:58,108 --> 01:02:59,009 Quiet! 1318 01:03:05,582 --> 01:03:07,550 Private Worrell, the pole! 1319 01:03:07,550 --> 01:03:08,885 Ah, the pole. No, I think I got it. 1320 01:03:08,885 --> 01:03:09,786 No, I got it. 1321 01:03:09,786 --> 01:03:12,322 Let me get it. 1322 01:03:14,758 --> 01:03:15,659 Hurry! 1323 01:03:15,659 --> 01:03:17,127 Don't let them escape! 1324 01:03:17,127 --> 01:03:18,094 Get them! 1325 01:03:18,094 --> 01:03:19,562 Get them! 1326 01:03:19,562 --> 01:03:22,265 Move! 1327 01:03:22,265 --> 01:03:23,500 We've blown it now. 1328 01:03:23,500 --> 01:03:25,001 Find the way out. 1329 01:03:25,001 --> 01:03:26,069 Hurry. 1330 01:03:26,069 --> 01:03:26,970 Dang it. 1331 01:03:26,970 --> 01:03:29,005 I-- I think I broke a nail. 1332 01:03:29,005 --> 01:03:32,208 Oh, please, Ernest. 1333 01:03:33,943 --> 01:03:35,779 You fools, move! 1334 01:03:35,779 --> 01:03:36,746 Ow. 1335 01:03:36,746 --> 01:03:38,281 Try that way. 1336 01:03:38,281 --> 01:03:39,516 Doesn't this hurt your knees? 1337 01:03:39,516 --> 01:03:40,550 No! Stop being such a sissy. 1338 01:03:40,550 --> 01:03:41,985 - Let's go! - Harder! 1339 01:03:41,985 --> 01:03:43,887 Harder! 1340 01:03:43,887 --> 01:03:44,821 Whah! 1341 01:03:44,821 --> 01:03:45,722 No. 1342 01:03:45,722 --> 01:03:47,023 Try over here. 1343 01:03:48,024 --> 01:03:49,492 Beat harder! 1344 01:03:49,492 --> 01:03:50,460 Harder! 1345 01:03:51,361 --> 01:03:53,396 Ouch. 1346 01:03:53,396 --> 01:03:54,864 How about this way? 1347 01:03:56,299 --> 01:04:00,236 OK, look, we'll just have to brave it. 1348 01:04:00,236 --> 01:04:01,371 Keep your head up real high. 1349 01:04:01,371 --> 01:04:02,439 OK. 1350 01:04:02,439 --> 01:04:05,208 Oh, Ernest, you coward, get up! 1351 01:04:07,577 --> 01:04:09,012 Ow! 1352 01:04:10,447 --> 01:04:11,815 I can't help it. 1353 01:04:14,484 --> 01:04:15,485 Move it! 1354 01:04:15,485 --> 01:04:17,454 Let's go. 1355 01:04:17,454 --> 01:04:18,421 Hit harder! 1356 01:04:18,421 --> 01:04:20,390 They're still moving! 1357 01:04:20,390 --> 01:04:22,358 Grab the handle, idiot! 1358 01:04:22,358 --> 01:04:25,295 Don't just stand there! 1359 01:04:25,295 --> 01:04:27,764 OK, let's go. 1360 01:04:30,700 --> 01:04:33,670 Where the hell are they? 1361 01:04:33,670 --> 01:04:34,637 Spread out! 1362 01:04:38,575 --> 01:04:40,610 Kibee, you're in the dungeon! 1363 01:04:40,610 --> 01:04:41,511 Do you understand? 1364 01:04:41,511 --> 01:04:43,012 Shh. 1365 01:04:43,012 --> 01:04:44,981 Oh, help us, please. 1366 01:04:44,981 --> 01:04:46,349 Please, help us. 1367 01:04:46,349 --> 01:04:48,051 OK. No problem. 1368 01:04:48,051 --> 01:04:49,285 I'll have you out of here in a jiffy. 1369 01:04:49,285 --> 01:04:52,088 Ernest, shh. 1370 01:04:55,091 --> 01:04:57,327 Oh, oh, thank you. 1371 01:04:57,327 --> 01:04:58,294 Thank you. 1372 01:04:58,294 --> 01:04:59,229 Allah be praised. 1373 01:05:00,163 --> 01:05:02,132 You have saved us. 1374 01:05:02,132 --> 01:05:04,934 You must be the great American warrior of the prophecy. 1375 01:05:04,934 --> 01:05:06,836 Oh, shucks. It was nothing. 1376 01:05:06,836 --> 01:05:08,738 You must have me confused with some other great 1377 01:05:08,738 --> 01:05:10,673 American warrior of prophecy. 1378 01:05:12,075 --> 01:05:14,577 Here comes the guards. 1379 01:05:15,545 --> 01:05:18,014 Come on, let's go! 1380 01:05:39,235 --> 01:05:41,437 Come on, they're shooting real bullets! 1381 01:05:41,437 --> 01:05:42,672 Real bullets? I'll go first. 1382 01:05:42,672 --> 01:05:43,573 Cover me. 1383 01:05:43,573 --> 01:05:45,041 Worrell, come back here! 1384 01:05:45,041 --> 01:05:45,942 Wait! 1385 01:05:45,942 --> 01:05:46,943 Wait, Ernest! 1386 01:06:03,560 --> 01:06:04,460 Ladies first. 1387 01:06:04,460 --> 01:06:05,395 OK, come on. 1388 01:06:05,395 --> 01:06:06,529 Come on. Come on. 1389 01:06:06,529 --> 01:06:07,463 Come on. Come on, Ernest. 1390 01:06:07,463 --> 01:06:08,398 Let's go. 1391 01:06:08,398 --> 01:06:09,299 Ow! 1392 01:06:09,299 --> 01:06:10,200 Ouch. 1393 01:06:10,200 --> 01:06:11,601 Come on, let's go. 1394 01:06:17,073 --> 01:06:19,409 Kill them. 1395 01:06:19,409 --> 01:06:23,112 Take no prisoners. 1396 01:06:25,315 --> 01:06:26,649 - We made it, Ernest. - Yes. 1397 01:06:26,649 --> 01:06:27,550 We made it. 1398 01:06:27,550 --> 01:06:29,319 Oh, we did it. 1399 01:06:29,319 --> 01:06:32,422 Oh, look, they've got Colonel Gullet. 1400 01:06:32,422 --> 01:06:33,323 We've got to go back. 1401 01:06:33,323 --> 01:06:34,224 Are you crazy? 1402 01:06:34,224 --> 01:06:35,258 We can't go back in! 1403 01:06:35,258 --> 01:06:36,759 Look, you go on ahead. 1404 01:06:36,759 --> 01:06:38,027 I've gotta go back in for the Colonel. 1405 01:06:38,027 --> 01:06:39,996 No, we can go get help. We don't have to. 1406 01:06:39,996 --> 01:06:41,264 You don't understand. 1407 01:06:41,264 --> 01:06:43,733 Sarge said, in the Army you've gotta watch out for your buddy. 1408 01:06:43,733 --> 01:06:46,236 And Colonel Gullet's my buddy, even though he is a Colonel 1409 01:06:46,236 --> 01:06:47,437 Ernest. 1410 01:06:47,437 --> 01:06:49,372 What we need is a plan. 1411 01:06:52,709 --> 01:06:53,610 How about an escort? 1412 01:06:53,610 --> 01:06:54,510 No, too small. 1413 01:06:54,510 --> 01:06:55,712 We need at least a Humvee. - Ernest. 1414 01:06:55,712 --> 01:06:57,614 Ernest. Ernest! 1415 01:06:57,614 --> 01:06:59,315 Oh, that kind of escort? 1416 01:06:59,315 --> 01:07:00,483 Hi, fellas. - OK. 1417 01:07:00,483 --> 01:07:01,784 Oh, no. Ouch. 1418 01:07:01,784 --> 01:07:02,685 Ow! 1419 01:07:10,126 --> 01:07:10,994 Lips. 1420 01:07:14,430 --> 01:07:15,899 He peels easy. 1421 01:07:20,670 --> 01:07:22,205 This is General Lincoln. 1422 01:07:22,205 --> 01:07:25,074 Commence the bombing on Operation Sand Trap. 1423 01:07:25,074 --> 01:07:27,310 The first bird's up at 1800 hours. 1424 01:07:27,310 --> 01:07:28,411 Whiskey, Alpha, Bravo. 1425 01:07:28,411 --> 01:07:31,981 My indecision is final. 1426 01:07:31,981 --> 01:07:33,316 Cut. 1427 01:07:33,316 --> 01:07:34,417 You were terrific, General. 1428 01:07:34,417 --> 01:07:36,219 Terrific. All right. 1429 01:07:36,219 --> 01:07:37,754 Now let's take some black and white stills. 1430 01:07:37,754 --> 01:07:39,455 I think that would look more authentic. 1431 01:07:39,455 --> 01:07:43,026 Oh, Barnes, I don't look so good in black and white. 1432 01:07:43,026 --> 01:07:45,061 We can airbrush them. 1433 01:07:45,061 --> 01:07:45,962 Mm. 1434 01:07:48,765 --> 01:07:50,333 You know, they say every man has 1435 01:07:50,333 --> 01:07:51,501 a bullet with his name on it. 1436 01:07:51,501 --> 01:07:52,402 Yeah. 1437 01:07:52,402 --> 01:07:53,503 Here's mine, see? 1438 01:07:53,503 --> 01:07:55,004 Ernest. 1439 01:07:55,004 --> 01:07:56,773 I figure, as long as this is in my pocket, 1440 01:07:56,773 --> 01:07:58,041 nobody can shoot me with it. 1441 01:07:58,041 --> 01:07:59,976 Oh, great, Ernest. 1442 01:07:59,976 --> 01:08:01,144 Don't tell them I've got it, OK? 1443 01:08:01,144 --> 01:08:02,045 Done. 1444 01:08:16,626 --> 01:08:20,263 Tufuti, you're gonna get in big trouble for this. 1445 01:08:20,263 --> 01:08:21,598 I'm a noncombatant. 1446 01:08:21,598 --> 01:08:23,333 I'm a member of the press. 1447 01:08:23,333 --> 01:08:25,101 Yeah, I'm a noncombatant too. 1448 01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:26,235 I'm in the Reserves. 1449 01:08:26,235 --> 01:08:29,906 The barbarians think they can send an infidel into my camp 1450 01:08:29,906 --> 01:08:32,075 to destroy my plans. 1451 01:08:32,075 --> 01:08:33,676 Who do they think you are? 1452 01:08:33,676 --> 01:08:35,078 Rambo? 1453 01:08:35,078 --> 01:08:36,879 Well, close. 1454 01:08:36,879 --> 01:08:38,047 Ready! 1455 01:08:38,047 --> 01:08:38,948 Aim! 1456 01:08:38,948 --> 01:08:39,949 Hold it! 1457 01:08:39,949 --> 01:08:41,384 Don't we get a last meal? 1458 01:08:41,384 --> 01:08:43,119 I could sure go for a pizza. 1459 01:08:43,119 --> 01:08:44,320 Pepperoni, sausage, extra cheese-- 1460 01:08:44,320 --> 01:08:45,922 - Up here, boy. - --black olives. 1461 01:08:45,922 --> 01:08:46,823 No anchovies. 1462 01:08:46,823 --> 01:08:48,725 Maybe some chocolate chips. 1463 01:08:48,725 --> 01:08:50,560 Ready! Aim! 1464 01:08:50,560 --> 01:08:51,494 Hey, hey. 1465 01:08:51,494 --> 01:08:54,831 I could use my last phone call to call for a pizza. 1466 01:08:54,831 --> 01:08:56,165 They could be here in 30 minutes. 1467 01:08:56,165 --> 01:08:57,233 Look, we could all pitch in. 1468 01:08:57,233 --> 01:08:59,836 I've got tip money. 1469 01:08:59,836 --> 01:09:02,872 No pizza! 1470 01:09:02,872 --> 01:09:05,041 Ready! 1471 01:09:05,041 --> 01:09:06,342 Well, what about a blindfold? 1472 01:09:06,342 --> 01:09:08,878 No blindfold. 1473 01:09:08,878 --> 01:09:11,714 What kind of a jake leg outfit is this? 1474 01:09:11,714 --> 01:09:14,250 No last meal, no phone call, no blindfold. 1475 01:09:14,250 --> 01:09:16,085 No budget. 1476 01:09:16,085 --> 01:09:17,353 Oh. 1477 01:09:17,353 --> 01:09:20,023 Well, I bet none of you have ever even shot anybody. 1478 01:09:20,023 --> 01:09:22,592 Kibee shot a man in the foot last year. 1479 01:09:22,592 --> 01:09:25,161 It was an accident, Mr. President for Life. 1480 01:09:25,161 --> 01:09:26,963 I have such feelings of guilt. 1481 01:09:26,963 --> 01:09:30,299 Act like a man! 1482 01:09:30,299 --> 01:09:32,635 Any other requests? - Yeah. 1483 01:09:32,635 --> 01:09:34,137 Let me go! 1484 01:09:40,543 --> 01:09:42,045 Ready! 1485 01:09:42,045 --> 01:09:44,013 Aim! 1486 01:09:44,013 --> 01:09:45,481 Where are you going? 1487 01:09:45,481 --> 01:09:46,482 Here we come, Ernest. 1488 01:09:46,482 --> 01:09:47,483 Your Excellency! 1489 01:09:49,052 --> 01:09:49,952 Ernest. 1490 01:09:49,952 --> 01:09:51,054 Ernest! 1491 01:09:51,054 --> 01:09:51,954 Let's go! 1492 01:09:53,923 --> 01:09:54,991 Get in, Ernest! 1493 01:09:54,991 --> 01:09:55,892 Go, Ernest! 1494 01:09:55,892 --> 01:09:57,894 Go! 1495 01:09:57,894 --> 01:09:59,362 Get in! 1496 01:09:59,362 --> 01:10:00,363 Go! 1497 01:10:00,363 --> 01:10:01,864 - Come on, Ernest. - Scoot over. 1498 01:10:01,864 --> 01:10:03,032 Hit the gas! 1499 01:10:03,032 --> 01:10:05,101 This is a job for Army people. 1500 01:10:05,101 --> 01:10:06,002 Oh, come on. 1501 01:10:06,002 --> 01:10:06,903 Let's just go. 1502 01:10:06,903 --> 01:10:09,372 Go! 1503 01:10:22,685 --> 01:10:27,356 Kibee, where is my missile? 1504 01:10:27,356 --> 01:10:29,926 Where is my pluton missile? 1505 01:10:29,926 --> 01:10:34,530 I-- I think it has been removed, Excellency. 1506 01:10:38,968 --> 01:10:42,205 Bring me my desert demons! 1507 01:10:57,153 --> 01:11:00,690 In 30 minutes, the bombs will begin to drop, 1508 01:11:00,690 --> 01:11:04,494 and this will be your finest hour. 1509 01:11:04,494 --> 01:11:05,895 Barnes, do you think those Brit generals 1510 01:11:05,895 --> 01:11:08,064 look so sophisticated because they have those little pencil 1511 01:11:08,064 --> 01:11:09,031 thin mustaches? 1512 01:11:09,031 --> 01:11:10,266 Excuse me, sir. 1513 01:11:10,266 --> 01:11:13,803 The satellite just picked up a truck carrying a large missile. 1514 01:11:13,803 --> 01:11:15,671 Barnes, there's no greater feeling than breaking 1515 01:11:15,671 --> 01:11:16,539 the enemy's spirit. 1516 01:11:16,539 --> 01:11:17,974 That's how I met my wife. 1517 01:11:17,974 --> 01:11:20,409 Sir, the missile's headed towards us. 1518 01:11:20,409 --> 01:11:22,078 What? 1519 01:11:22,078 --> 01:11:23,913 Barnes, pull out the big guns, scramble 1520 01:11:23,913 --> 01:11:25,381 the fighters, get me the Navy. 1521 01:11:25,381 --> 01:11:27,650 We gotta nuke that missile now before they get any closer. 1522 01:11:27,650 --> 01:11:28,551 Yes, sir. 1523 01:11:33,289 --> 01:11:34,290 Oh, boy. 1524 01:11:34,290 --> 01:11:36,459 Barnes? 1525 01:11:36,459 --> 01:11:38,461 Barnes? 1526 01:11:38,461 --> 01:11:42,331 Worrell, stop the truck and get me down off of here! 1527 01:11:42,331 --> 01:11:43,366 Which way do we go? 1528 01:11:43,366 --> 01:11:45,168 - Head for the dunes! - Which one? 1529 01:11:45,168 --> 01:11:46,068 The white one! 1530 01:11:46,068 --> 01:11:46,969 The white one! 1531 01:11:46,969 --> 01:11:48,204 Eenie, meanie, miney-- 1532 01:11:48,204 --> 01:11:49,438 One potato, two potato-- 1533 01:11:49,438 --> 01:11:50,706 Eenie one potato! 1534 01:11:50,706 --> 01:11:52,275 Are you sure it's not meanie two potato? 1535 01:11:52,275 --> 01:11:53,176 No, no! 1536 01:11:53,176 --> 01:11:54,777 Eenie one potato! 1537 01:11:54,777 --> 01:11:57,246 Don't let them get away, you fools! 1538 01:11:57,246 --> 01:11:58,247 Kibee, faster! 1539 01:12:02,718 --> 01:12:06,189 Ernest, we're gonna get stuck in this stuff. 1540 01:12:06,189 --> 01:12:08,724 Nah, I used to be a mailman in Michigan. 1541 01:12:10,693 --> 01:12:11,661 Oh, no! 1542 01:12:11,661 --> 01:12:13,629 Ernest! 1543 01:12:13,629 --> 01:12:15,565 Worrell, where are you going? 1544 01:12:15,565 --> 01:12:16,499 What are you doing? 1545 01:12:16,499 --> 01:12:17,400 You're the press. 1546 01:12:17,400 --> 01:12:18,968 You're supposed to be non-combative. 1547 01:12:18,968 --> 01:12:21,337 Tufuti, President for Life, broke the rules first. 1548 01:12:21,337 --> 01:12:24,040 Now, is this semi-automatic or full rock and roll? 1549 01:12:25,041 --> 01:12:27,009 Shoot! 1550 01:12:34,450 --> 01:12:37,420 Worrell! 1551 01:12:37,420 --> 01:12:38,387 One down. 1552 01:12:38,387 --> 01:12:39,388 More bananas? 1553 01:12:52,768 --> 01:12:53,736 I'm out of shells. 1554 01:12:53,736 --> 01:12:55,238 Give me another clip. 1555 01:12:55,238 --> 01:12:56,205 Worrell! 1556 01:12:56,205 --> 01:12:57,206 Get us out of here! 1557 01:12:57,206 --> 01:12:58,708 Ow! 1558 01:12:58,708 --> 01:13:01,744 Hang on, Colonel Gullet! 1559 01:13:01,744 --> 01:13:02,645 Look out. 1560 01:13:02,645 --> 01:13:04,647 OK, watch the dip, Ernest! 1561 01:13:07,650 --> 01:13:08,751 Base Camp, here we come. 1562 01:13:12,622 --> 01:13:14,557 Happy to report, the pluton missile 1563 01:13:14,557 --> 01:13:16,626 moves to Karifistan border. 1564 01:13:16,626 --> 01:13:20,963 It seems Interceptor is delivering as promised. 1565 01:13:20,963 --> 01:13:24,233 Soon, world powers will be emptying their bank 1566 01:13:24,233 --> 01:13:26,202 accounts into our coffers. 1567 01:13:36,512 --> 01:13:38,447 No, Ernest! 1568 01:13:38,447 --> 01:13:39,382 Ernest! 1569 01:13:39,382 --> 01:13:41,017 Turn around and go back! 1570 01:13:41,017 --> 01:13:42,251 You can't go through there. 1571 01:13:42,251 --> 01:13:45,087 This is no time to stop and admire the view. 1572 01:13:45,087 --> 01:13:47,657 Rock mines. 1573 01:13:47,657 --> 01:13:50,526 Oh, we're trapped. 1574 01:13:50,526 --> 01:13:51,594 Not yet, we're not. 1575 01:13:51,594 --> 01:13:53,162 What are you doing? 1576 01:13:53,162 --> 01:13:54,430 What I do best. 1577 01:13:54,430 --> 01:13:55,698 Are you crazy? 1578 01:13:55,698 --> 01:13:56,699 Get me down from here! 1579 01:13:58,634 --> 01:13:59,602 Oh, no! 1580 01:13:59,602 --> 01:14:01,070 They're getting closer! 1581 01:14:01,070 --> 01:14:03,472 Put that foot into the corner, Kibee! 1582 01:14:03,472 --> 01:14:04,774 We're going to get them! 1583 01:14:04,774 --> 01:14:07,176 They won't get away. 1584 01:14:07,176 --> 01:14:08,878 He said he's been a prisoner of Tufuti's, 1585 01:14:08,878 --> 01:14:10,980 and that the pluton bomb is now in the hands 1586 01:14:10,980 --> 01:14:13,015 of the great American warrior. 1587 01:14:13,015 --> 01:14:14,617 I thought I was the great American warrior? 1588 01:14:14,617 --> 01:14:15,518 Well, you are, sir. 1589 01:14:15,518 --> 01:14:16,952 This is just someone claiming to be. 1590 01:14:16,952 --> 01:14:17,887 Oh, an imposter? 1591 01:14:17,887 --> 01:14:19,121 I'm sure there's nothing to it. 1592 01:14:19,121 --> 01:14:20,323 Well, let's check it out. 1593 01:14:20,323 --> 01:14:21,857 There's not room in this desert for two 1594 01:14:21,857 --> 01:14:24,760 great American warriors. 1595 01:14:27,697 --> 01:14:28,898 Is this the man? 1596 01:14:28,898 --> 01:14:30,733 Yes, sir. 1597 01:14:30,733 --> 01:14:32,201 Oh, Your Excellency. 1598 01:14:32,201 --> 01:14:35,304 I-- I am so happy and honored that you would see me. 1599 01:14:35,304 --> 01:14:36,639 I bring great news. 1600 01:14:36,639 --> 01:14:38,874 You said an American has the pluton missile? 1601 01:14:38,874 --> 01:14:41,677 Oh, yes, and he's bringing it to you. 1602 01:14:41,677 --> 01:14:43,646 Oh, he's such a great warrior! 1603 01:14:43,646 --> 01:14:44,914 Is anyone with him? 1604 01:14:44,914 --> 01:14:47,583 A UN Colonel and a woman. 1605 01:14:47,583 --> 01:14:48,651 Oh, Pierre! 1606 01:14:48,651 --> 01:14:50,052 Come on. 1607 01:14:50,052 --> 01:14:51,053 Come outside. 1608 01:14:51,053 --> 01:14:52,054 We need to talk. 1609 01:14:52,054 --> 01:14:53,055 Just listen. 1610 01:14:53,055 --> 01:14:55,524 Listen. 1611 01:14:55,524 --> 01:14:57,460 We'd better call off that carpet bombing before they 1612 01:14:57,460 --> 01:14:58,761 take out that pluton missile. 1613 01:14:58,761 --> 01:15:00,029 Well, what's wrong with that? 1614 01:15:00,029 --> 01:15:03,265 Because we want to capture it and take 1615 01:15:03,265 --> 01:15:05,601 all the credit for ourselves. 1616 01:15:05,601 --> 01:15:07,103 Oh. 1617 01:15:07,103 --> 01:15:11,273 You'd think this was his first conflict. 1618 01:15:11,273 --> 01:15:12,174 Ernest. 1619 01:15:12,174 --> 01:15:13,175 Ernest! 1620 01:15:13,175 --> 01:15:16,612 What do you think you're doing? 1621 01:15:16,612 --> 01:15:17,513 Come on, Ernest. 1622 01:15:19,415 --> 01:15:21,050 Are you crazy? 1623 01:15:21,050 --> 01:15:22,852 Get me down from here! 1624 01:15:22,852 --> 01:15:24,787 You fool, Ernest! 1625 01:15:24,787 --> 01:15:26,255 Put that thing down! 1626 01:15:26,255 --> 01:15:27,656 You'll have us all killed! 1627 01:15:27,656 --> 01:15:28,758 OK. 1628 01:15:28,758 --> 01:15:30,826 Just keep the gas steady. 1629 01:15:30,826 --> 01:15:32,027 OK, here we go. 1630 01:15:32,027 --> 01:15:32,928 Easy. 1631 01:15:32,928 --> 01:15:34,263 Stop this thing! 1632 01:15:34,263 --> 01:15:35,364 Move it, Kibee! 1633 01:15:35,364 --> 01:15:36,365 Move it! 1634 01:15:36,365 --> 01:15:38,334 They're getting away! 1635 01:15:38,334 --> 01:15:39,301 Look out, Ernest! 1636 01:15:39,301 --> 01:15:40,369 - Here they come! - Hurry! 1637 01:15:40,369 --> 01:15:41,270 Hurry! 1638 01:15:41,270 --> 01:15:42,271 Gotcha! 1639 01:15:42,271 --> 01:15:44,240 Nice one! 1640 01:15:46,208 --> 01:15:48,310 This is a whole lot easier without clubbers trying 1641 01:15:48,310 --> 01:15:50,513 to bop you with a six iron. 1642 01:15:50,513 --> 01:15:51,480 Here's one! 1643 01:15:51,480 --> 01:15:52,581 Yeah! 1644 01:15:53,482 --> 01:15:54,483 Ernest! 1645 01:15:54,483 --> 01:15:55,885 He's unbelievable. 1646 01:15:55,885 --> 01:15:57,520 I believed it all along. 1647 01:15:57,520 --> 01:15:58,587 Faster, Kibee. 1648 01:15:58,587 --> 01:15:59,488 Faster! 1649 01:15:59,488 --> 01:16:02,057 How about a double dip? 1650 01:16:02,057 --> 01:16:04,226 Assorted flavors. 1651 01:16:04,226 --> 01:16:05,327 There you go. 1652 01:16:07,229 --> 01:16:09,198 Nice one, Ernest. 1653 01:16:09,198 --> 01:16:11,200 You fool! 1654 01:16:11,200 --> 01:16:12,701 Ernest, faster! 1655 01:16:12,701 --> 01:16:15,171 Faster! 1656 01:16:15,171 --> 01:16:16,672 Come on. 1657 01:16:16,672 --> 01:16:18,174 Look out, sir. 1658 01:16:18,174 --> 01:16:19,175 Be careful! 1659 01:16:22,645 --> 01:16:26,048 You got the poop, I got the scoop. 1660 01:16:35,991 --> 01:16:37,593 Man, this guy can't take a hint. 1661 01:16:37,593 --> 01:16:38,494 Come on, Kibee. 1662 01:16:38,494 --> 01:16:39,495 Move it! 1663 01:16:39,495 --> 01:16:41,464 They're getting away! 1664 01:16:41,464 --> 01:16:42,965 Delta, Bravo, one-niner. 1665 01:16:42,965 --> 01:16:43,866 Abort sortie. 1666 01:16:43,866 --> 01:16:45,267 Abort sortie. 1667 01:16:45,267 --> 01:16:46,168 Roger, HQ. 1668 01:16:46,168 --> 01:16:47,169 We're heading home. 1669 01:16:51,273 --> 01:16:52,141 This way. 1670 01:16:52,141 --> 01:16:53,642 This way. 1671 01:16:53,642 --> 01:16:55,744 Worrell, where are you going? 1672 01:16:55,744 --> 01:16:56,645 That's it. 1673 01:16:56,645 --> 01:16:58,147 Stop that! 1674 01:16:58,147 --> 01:16:59,648 Worrell! 1675 01:17:02,651 --> 01:17:04,620 Get me down! 1676 01:17:04,620 --> 01:17:06,121 Oh. 1677 01:17:06,121 --> 01:17:07,122 We're stuck. 1678 01:17:13,129 --> 01:17:14,129 There he is! 1679 01:17:14,129 --> 01:17:14,997 Excellency? 1680 01:17:14,997 --> 01:17:16,098 He's ours now! 1681 01:17:18,601 --> 01:17:19,602 Ernest, don't. 1682 01:17:19,602 --> 01:17:22,104 Get out of there! 1683 01:17:23,105 --> 01:17:24,707 Come on Tufrutti. 1684 01:17:24,707 --> 01:17:26,008 Give us your best shot. 1685 01:17:26,008 --> 01:17:29,745 You have been very troublesome for me, 1686 01:17:29,745 --> 01:17:31,514 but now I am rid of you! 1687 01:17:32,681 --> 01:17:33,582 Duck! 1688 01:17:33,582 --> 01:17:36,552 Duck, Ernest! 1689 01:17:37,553 --> 01:17:38,521 Oh, no! 1690 01:17:38,521 --> 01:17:39,421 No. 1691 01:17:39,421 --> 01:17:40,956 No, no, no! 1692 01:17:44,560 --> 01:17:45,461 Help! 1693 01:17:45,461 --> 01:17:46,362 Help! 1694 01:17:46,362 --> 01:17:49,598 It's only a rock, Excellency. 1695 01:17:55,137 --> 01:17:58,474 Ready to die, great American warrior? 1696 01:18:07,550 --> 01:18:11,487 Excellency, you are damaged, for life. 1697 01:18:14,189 --> 01:18:15,124 Yeah. 1698 01:18:18,360 --> 01:18:19,261 Yeah, Earnest. 1699 01:18:19,261 --> 01:18:20,529 What a shot! 1700 01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:22,998 You have defeated the beast. 1701 01:18:22,998 --> 01:18:24,366 What was that you threw? 1702 01:18:24,366 --> 01:18:25,601 All in a day's cooking. 1703 01:18:25,601 --> 01:18:26,502 know what I mean? 1704 01:18:26,502 --> 01:18:29,171 Would somebody untie me? 1705 01:18:29,171 --> 01:18:31,507 Oh, sorry Colonel. 1706 01:18:31,507 --> 01:18:33,342 I'll just lower this hydraulic. 1707 01:18:35,277 --> 01:18:36,712 Get me off here! 1708 01:18:36,712 --> 01:18:39,582 Loosen those on the bottom, Ben. 1709 01:18:39,582 --> 01:18:40,482 Good. 1710 01:18:40,482 --> 01:18:41,817 Don't worry, Colonel. 1711 01:18:41,817 --> 01:18:43,485 I'll have you loose in a minute. 1712 01:18:43,485 --> 01:18:45,921 Yeah, about time, too. 1713 01:18:45,921 --> 01:18:48,023 There you go. 1714 01:18:49,258 --> 01:18:51,293 Now, move away from this missile or the boy 1715 01:18:51,293 --> 01:18:52,795 meets Allah prematurely. 1716 01:18:57,333 --> 01:18:58,767 Interceptor confirms capture. 1717 01:18:58,767 --> 01:19:00,536 Rendezvous at Sector C-12. 1718 01:19:00,536 --> 01:19:03,305 Interceptor seeks confirmation. 1719 01:19:03,305 --> 01:19:07,643 Confirm his deposit of one hundred million US dollars 1720 01:19:07,643 --> 01:19:11,013 into his Swiss bank account. 1721 01:19:11,013 --> 01:19:14,550 Dispatch a unit to pick up the pluton missile when he 1722 01:19:14,550 --> 01:19:17,253 crosses the Karifistan border. 1723 01:19:17,253 --> 01:19:18,153 As Boyard commands. 1724 01:19:22,224 --> 01:19:26,262 Bank account number 639736412-12. 1725 01:19:26,262 --> 01:19:28,063 Code name, Interceptor. 1726 01:19:28,063 --> 01:19:30,132 Confirm bank deposits. 1727 01:19:30,132 --> 01:19:31,033 Got it. 1728 01:19:31,033 --> 01:19:33,369 I can't believe you can be such a traitor, Gullet. 1729 01:19:33,369 --> 01:19:34,269 It's just business. 1730 01:19:34,269 --> 01:19:35,638 Now, move away from this missile! 1731 01:19:35,638 --> 01:19:39,074 Look, you can keep the missile, just let the boy go. 1732 01:19:39,074 --> 01:19:40,776 The boy goes with me. 1733 01:19:40,776 --> 01:19:43,946 Let the boy go, Gullet. 1734 01:19:43,946 --> 01:19:45,748 What do you want with a pluton missile? 1735 01:19:45,748 --> 01:19:47,916 Soon I'll be in a world where idiots like you are 1736 01:19:47,916 --> 01:19:50,219 outlawed, living the good life. 1737 01:19:50,219 --> 01:19:51,253 Goodbye, Ernest. 1738 01:19:51,253 --> 01:19:52,154 Thanks for the ride. 1739 01:19:53,055 --> 01:19:53,956 You! 1740 01:19:53,956 --> 01:19:55,290 Duck men! 1741 01:19:56,191 --> 01:19:57,192 Oh, Ernest! 1742 01:19:57,192 --> 01:19:58,160 Oh. 1743 01:20:01,163 --> 01:20:02,164 The ropes, Ernest! 1744 01:20:02,164 --> 01:20:03,165 The ropes! 1745 01:20:07,169 --> 01:20:09,905 If it's gonna hurt, I'm sure glad that isn't me. 1746 01:20:15,244 --> 01:20:16,278 Eww. 1747 01:20:16,278 --> 01:20:17,179 Oh. 1748 01:20:17,179 --> 01:20:18,147 Eww. 1749 01:20:19,481 --> 01:20:20,549 There they are. 1750 01:20:20,549 --> 01:20:21,784 Keep it rolling, Lloyd. 1751 01:20:21,784 --> 01:20:22,685 Stop here. 1752 01:20:22,685 --> 01:20:25,287 The light's good. 1753 01:20:25,287 --> 01:20:27,222 Get me a closeup of the girl. 1754 01:20:27,222 --> 01:20:28,857 What have you done with my missile, private? 1755 01:20:28,857 --> 01:20:30,693 General, it's been neutralized. 1756 01:20:30,693 --> 01:20:32,728 You should be pinning a medal on Ernest. 1757 01:20:32,728 --> 01:20:34,563 Oh. Yeah, well, I-- 1758 01:20:34,563 --> 01:20:35,464 I will. 1759 01:20:35,464 --> 01:20:37,433 I'm gonna put a whole chest full of medals on him. 1760 01:20:37,433 --> 01:20:39,034 Good work, soldier. 1761 01:20:39,034 --> 01:20:41,103 General, be careful what you promise, sir. 1762 01:20:41,103 --> 01:20:42,805 Shut up, Barnes. 1763 01:20:42,805 --> 01:20:44,807 You're fired. 1764 01:20:44,807 --> 01:20:46,008 How am I doing, Lloyd? 1765 01:20:46,008 --> 01:20:46,942 Ernest! 1766 01:20:46,942 --> 01:20:47,910 Hey, Ernest! 1767 01:20:51,714 --> 01:20:52,781 Way to go, buddy. 1768 01:20:57,486 --> 01:20:58,854 - Ben, you're-- you're not-- - I'm fine. 1769 01:20:58,854 --> 01:20:59,755 I'm fine. 1770 01:20:59,755 --> 01:21:01,757 I just gotta lay off the pork rinds. 1771 01:21:01,757 --> 01:21:04,927 Ernest, in my book, you're Army people. 1772 01:21:04,927 --> 01:21:07,329 Army people. 1773 01:21:07,329 --> 01:21:09,965 I'm Frank Williams, INNI European division. 1774 01:21:09,965 --> 01:21:10,899 Oh. 1775 01:21:10,899 --> 01:21:13,435 I believe that you have all the inside details. 1776 01:21:13,435 --> 01:21:17,172 Tell me, what would it take for INNI to get an exclusive? 1777 01:21:17,172 --> 01:21:18,440 Oh, well, uh-- 1778 01:21:18,440 --> 01:21:19,942 How long did you say you've been in your job? 1779 01:21:24,146 --> 01:21:26,081 Ben-Ali? 1780 01:21:26,081 --> 01:21:28,016 Ben-Ali! 1781 01:21:28,016 --> 01:21:29,017 Ben-Ali! 1782 01:21:29,017 --> 01:21:30,319 Abi. 1783 01:21:30,319 --> 01:21:31,220 Abi! 1784 01:21:31,220 --> 01:21:33,522 Allah be praised, it is my son. 1785 01:21:33,522 --> 01:21:34,423 My son! 1786 01:21:34,423 --> 01:21:35,824 My son! 1787 01:21:35,824 --> 01:21:37,292 Abi! 1788 01:21:37,292 --> 01:21:38,761 My son! 1789 01:21:38,761 --> 01:21:41,163 Abi! 1790 01:21:41,163 --> 01:21:45,067 I thought I had lost you forever. 1791 01:21:45,067 --> 01:21:49,204 Well, I guess the Geshua charm really does bring good luck. 1792 01:21:49,204 --> 01:21:54,443 The good luck is that you are the great American warrior. 1793 01:21:54,443 --> 01:21:55,477 Wait a minute, Ben. 1794 01:21:55,477 --> 01:21:58,247 You can't keep the great American warrior to yourself. 1795 01:21:58,247 --> 01:22:00,149 I have some unfinished business with him. 1796 01:22:07,189 --> 01:22:09,024 Eww. 1797 01:22:09,024 --> 01:22:10,759 What is this? 1798 01:22:10,759 --> 01:22:12,995 Oh, sorry. 1799 01:22:12,995 --> 01:22:16,365 My lips peel easily. 1800 01:22:16,365 --> 01:22:17,266 Oh. 1801 01:22:22,538 --> 01:22:23,438 Cindy. 1802 01:22:23,438 --> 01:22:24,940 Cindy. 1803 01:22:24,940 --> 01:22:26,809 Go away, Ernest! 1804 01:22:26,809 --> 01:22:27,810 How about coming over? 1805 01:22:27,810 --> 01:22:28,777 I'll make you some pancakes. 1806 01:22:28,777 --> 01:22:29,778 Now, I'm grossed out. 1807 01:22:29,778 --> 01:22:30,679 No, really. 1808 01:22:30,679 --> 01:22:32,581 I make the best pancakes in the whole world. 1809 01:22:32,581 --> 01:22:35,117 Ernest, I have one word for you-- lip balm. 1810 01:22:35,117 --> 01:22:38,487 And so it came, as the years passed, 1811 01:22:38,487 --> 01:22:43,125 that Ben Ali became a great leader of the Arab world 1812 01:22:43,125 --> 01:22:46,895 and brought peace to the war-torn land. 1813 01:22:46,895 --> 01:22:49,965 And on every public building and street sign, 1814 01:22:49,965 --> 01:22:52,768 a small, barely-visible inscription 1815 01:22:52,768 --> 01:22:57,005 read "Stick by your buddy." 1816 01:22:57,005 --> 01:22:57,973 Know what I mean?